SheriffFatman
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Been spending most our lives living in the Cheshire countryside
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Post by SheriffFatman on Oct 14, 2017 22:52:54 GMT 1
I’m considering writing a book called ‘What Were We Thinking? The UK’s 50 Worst Number One Singles’. As well as detailing exactly what makes them so awful, I will also aim to provide some of the historical and cultural context which enabled these aural monstrosities to become, fleetingly, the nation’s favourite songs.
This project could come at great personal cost - it will involve listening to a lot of Westlife - but it’s a subject I find grimly fascinating. The list is fluid but at the moment this is my top 10:
10. The Stonk by Hale & Pace and The Stonkers 9. American Pie by Madonna 8. Puppy Love by Donny Osmond 7. Sure by Take That 6. Mr Blobby by Mr Blobby 5. Long Haired Lover From Liverpool by Little Jimmy Osmond 4. My Ding-A-Ling by Chuck Berry 3. Freak Me by Another Level 2. No Charge by J.J. Barrie 1. I Feel You by Peter Andre
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Post by Earl Purple on Oct 14, 2017 23:07:53 GMT 1
American Pie which was 2000 is the latest of those on your list. I don't even know many of the later #1s. 2000 itself was a year I just remember for having nearly a new #1 every week.
Mr Blobby was awful really but there was something funny about it keeping Take That off Christmas #1. Of course Bob The Builder also kept Westlife off but I'd rather have had Eminem as Christmas #1 in 2000. Whilst I don't normally like him, "Stan" was a classic.
All of Donny Osmond's dreadful covers that reached #1 could go in there. Puppy Love was originally written and recorded by Paul Anka and was a minor hit for him in 1960.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Oct 14, 2017 23:15:30 GMT 1
I refuse to accept the Blobster in the list. Because it was actually a bold effort. They could have just had a bogstandard novelty song but it had changes of pace, mood and key.
Plus novelty records should not really count, unless they are really bad at being novelties (c.f. Black Lace's post-Agadoo oeuvre). They are not meant to be anything other than they are.
Although having said that the first people up against the wall when the revolution comes are those who bought the no. 1s by Luhrmann, Fat Oetzi and Mr Oizo. Not the slightest excuse for buying those. They are anti-music.
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SheriffFatman
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Post by SheriffFatman on Oct 15, 2017 7:42:53 GMT 1
Mr Blobby by Mr Blobby is a fine example of an interesting phenomenon which has plagued the U.K. charts since it’s inception. The scenario is essentially that someone somewhere realises they have a marketable concept out of which they can make some money, and despite the fact that there is nothing in any way musical about their commodity they decide to release a single. This is because singles can be highly profitable but are a fairly disposable format in the eyes of the public, the purchase is not a significant commitment. The lower ends of the charts are littered with examples which failed (Renee & Yvette from ‘Allo ‘Allo covering Je T’Aime, Percy Sugden from Coronation Street doing Always Look On The Bright Side Of slide, etc etc).
I think there’s a significant difference between these and comedy records like Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West) or The Streak, to lump them all together as novelty records is a mistake. Benny Hill & Ray Stevens were trying to make people giggle and clearly achieved it, there’s no harm in that. Mr Blobby on the other hand was just about making money by exploiting the public’s willingness to buy any old crap if it seems ‘of the moment’.
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Post by Whitneyfan on Oct 15, 2017 10:25:15 GMT 1
I actually really like Madonna's version of American Pie. It's certainly better than some of the awful versions of Unchained Melody which have graced the top position.
Probably for me, the worst song ever to reach #1 was Rock DJ by Robbie Williams. I still can't see how such a bad song is so universally popular.
And for mediocrity you can probably grab a handful of #1's from the last couple of years and you'd have at least a couple in there. One Dance by Drake springs to mind as one of the dullest.
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borneoman
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Post by borneoman on Oct 15, 2017 10:56:13 GMT 1
i kinda like the Madonna version of American Pie, sure there's far worst #1s, mainly boybands Boyzone, Westlife, Blue, Busted... agree on those Unchained melody covers too
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Post by suedehead on Oct 15, 2017 11:00:50 GMT 1
If you want to make a book out of it then you want to try and cover as wide a range as possible. That ids likely to encompass novelty songs (restricted to just a couple) as well as diabolical songs from otherwise decent artists. With that in mind I would also include songs such as I Just Called To Say I Love You.
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Post by Earl Purple on Oct 15, 2017 11:20:02 GMT 1
Mr Blobby and Teletubbies and Bob the Builder were an attempt for parents to buy it as a Christmas present to their kids, as they were all featuring characters that appeared on children's TV.
Teletubbies and Bob The Builder were simply the theme songs to the TV shows, albeit they had to somehow make a 1-minute theme song into a 3-minute song. I would happily sing along to Teletubbies when it came on C-Beebies and thought it was actually quite a decent TV theme song. However it simply didn't translate to a full-length single. Bob The Builder was a bit better.
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Post by raliverpool on Oct 15, 2017 11:45:44 GMT 1
Mr Blobby and Teletubbies and Bob the Builder were an attempt for parents to buy it as a Christmas present to their kids, as they were all featuring characters that appeared on children's TV. Teletubbies and Bob The Builder were simply the theme songs to the TV shows, albeit they had to somehow make a 1-minute theme song into a 3-minute song. I would happily sing along to Teletubbies when it came on C-Beebies and thought it was actually quite a decent TV theme song. However it simply didn't translate to a full-length single. Bob The Builder was a bit better. Bob The Builder is great as just like Mr Blobby it served its purpose by stopping the latest mawkish tat by the boyband of the moment grabbing the Xmas chart summit before SCowell ruined the Xmas #1 battle for a decade with his fiX-Factor bad cover versions.. The current new trend seems to be celebrity (& musical theatre stars) making & releasing albums for the last Quarter of the Year: 2017 offenders will include: Jason Manford Michael Ball & Alfie Boe Aled Jones Jane McDonald Sheridan Smith Bradley Walsh Nick Knowles Shane Richie Alexander Armstrong Anton Du Beke
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Post by Earl Purple on Oct 15, 2017 12:50:44 GMT 1
Some of those perhaps are not really good singers, others on that list perhaps simply make the music that is not in our favourite genre but isn't bad for what it is? Michael Buble and Josh Groban similarly. Just because they're not the kind of singers I personally choose to listen to doesn't mean their music is bad.
Is it ok then if a bad song is number one just because the song that is #2 behind it is worse? In that case Westlife's 1999 Christmas #1 must be ok because it was better (or less bad) than Cliff Richard's Millennium Prayer which I think was still #2 that week?
Christmas is not a good time to judge for quality number ones though. With a few exceptions like Pink Floyd and the Human League, most of the Christmas #1s were relatively poor quality even golden period of the late 70s - 80s.
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Post by rubcale on Oct 15, 2017 12:51:58 GMT 1
Well sorry everyone but I think Robson and Jerome is the definitive version of Unchained Melody also Mariah Carey's version of Without You.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2017 13:02:29 GMT 1
My least favourite # 1s by decades : 70s : Kate Bush - Wuthering Heights 80s : Irene Cara - Fame 00s : Rage Against The Machine - Killing In The Name
For 90s : it's something from those awful dance # 1s.
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Post by rubcale on Oct 15, 2017 13:02:31 GMT 1
Some of those perhaps are not really good singers, others on that list perhaps simply make the music that is not in our favourite genre but isn't bad for what it is? Michael Buble and Josh Groban similarly. Just because they're not the kind of singers I personally choose to listen to doesn't mean their music is bad. Is it ok then if a bad song is number one just because the song that is #2 behind it is worse? In that case Westlife's 1999 Christmas #1 must be ok because it was better (or less bad) than Cliff Richard's Millennium Prayer which I think was still #2 that week? Christmas is not a good time to judge for quality number ones though. With a few exceptions like Pink Floyd and the Human League, most of the Christmas #1s were relatively poor quality even golden period of the late 70s - 80s. Cliff's TMP is not one of his records I have a lot of love for but tbh it was actually quite an ingenious idea. It was only so massive because of all the publicity it received from those who continually bad-mouthed it ,in particular George Michael.
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Post by Whitneyfan on Oct 15, 2017 13:27:21 GMT 1
Well sorry everyone but I think Robson and Jerome is the definitive version of Unchained Melody also Mariah Carey's version of Without You. The Righteous Brothers and Nilsson for me.... Although I do really like Mariah's version of Without You too. Robson & Jerome did nothing for me though.
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Post by Earl Purple on Oct 15, 2017 14:01:37 GMT 1
The Robson & Jerome story went something like this.
They were actors in Soldier Soldier and in one acting scene their characters went to a karaoke and sang that song.
Simon Cowell saw the episode and was working for some record company at the time and wasn't actually having much success, but saw the potential in releasing that as a single as it had been watched by quite a lot of viewers. Robson & Jerome weren't even that keen as they knew they weren't great singers, but Simon Cowell convinced them that with auto-tune techniques they could be made to sound decent enough and the public would buy it.
Unfortunately they did, and we know what Simon Cowell went on to do after that...
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Post by Milliways on Oct 15, 2017 15:25:08 GMT 1
Robson & Jerome - Unchained Melody Boyzone - When The Going Gets Tough All Saints - Under The Bridge Westlife - Seasons In The Sun
Basically a parade of great songs ruined.
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vya
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Post by vya on Oct 15, 2017 16:45:02 GMT 1
The Peter Andre is a good call. Charmless, musically unpleasing, tacky instrumentation, not a wildly gifted singer, and an eminently forgettable song.
The greatest problem to my mind with the Robson & Jerome tracks is how cheap and nasty the backing music is. Completely devoid of feeling.
Also from the 90s, chuck in one or both of the Outhere Brothers no 1s. Beyond then - how about Lena Martell's lachrymose "One Day At A Time", probably the Jive Bunny Christmas medley one (interesting that many versions online expurgate the Gary Glitter bit), "There's Noone Quite Like Grandma" (maybe accompanied by Clive Dunn's "Grandad"), and possibly more than one bit of Boyzone. And "Seven Tears" by the Goombay Dance Band.
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Post by Whitneyfan on Oct 15, 2017 16:48:36 GMT 1
Seven Tears is a classic!
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Roo.
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Post by Roo. on Oct 15, 2017 16:53:48 GMT 1
The worst #1 of all time is clearly Babycakes by 3 Of A Kind.
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Post by Mic1812 on Oct 15, 2017 17:04:15 GMT 1
Anything urban that features lots of swearing and that has no beat just noise to it will be the number 1 i hate most
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