vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Dec 1, 2019 11:51:24 GMT 1
Day before Remembrance Day. Keep it light. Brookes and Sybil "Who?" Ruscoe. The start is Brother Beyond, who have managed to do something that I thought impossible - come up with something worse than their last one.
Bryan Ferry, see above re breakers. How come I never noticed that in period? Egregious. Thinking about it, this is a very early example of a pop video. Is that Simon Groom on keys?
Charts. Simon Harris goes from 40 to 38, that can't be a common chart move. Ruscoe sound slike she's out of breath as she reads no. 31. Cut to her with some grooving girls, the one in the hoops is totes adorbs. And we cut again to Robin Beck, dressed up like a ringmaster's wife. Really can't be doing with this.
Breakers. Salt n Pepa doing, er, "Twist And Shout"? Stochastic. But not unpleasant. Just seems a bit un-rad for them. INXS with something very slinky and insinutating. Hutchence though looks like he's joined the wrong band.
Next up is Chris de Burgh. Oh God. No, no, no. Utter gash.
Charts. Still not telling everyone what Jolly Roger's record is. Deacon Blue. The only reason for watching this episode? No, Enya is still no. 1.
Donny Osmond for some reason turns up at the end. Had they booked him expecting him to be in the top 40? Playout is Prince with something quite decent, even the falsetto doesn't get on my mammaries. Maybe that's partly down to the girls in the video wearing negligees.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Dec 1, 2019 10:35:08 GMT 1
Threeleven. Goodier and Campbell. Gloria Estefan starts in the studio. God almighty, this is atrocious. It's like salsa for three year olds. Trite, plastic, abysmal.
Robert Palmer on video. Diametric opposite. Not showy or flashy, he lets the music do the work. Because there is a lot going on. Something that rewards repeated listening. Depth.
Charts. Mostly downers. Studio is Tanita Tikaram. I see we are back to the pattern of playing breakers in consecutive weeks. Slow burn of a song, a glacial build of instrumentation, but, my God, it's depressing. "Look, my eyes are just hollow grounds..." geez, f*** me. Like her debut there is a sort of guest instrument, oboe this time. What DOES "twist in my sobriety" mean? Co-produced by Rod Argent.
Breakers, AKA next week's show. Bryan Ferry with a re-issue. I can do quite a good Ferry on karaoke. Not as good as my Shatner, though, I've won awards for that. They cut it before Jerry Hall comes on when she's still uberhot. Robin Beck with some Coke sh*te. They are literally using the Coke advert as the video. Irn Bru have the right idea.
Back to the videos and it's f***ing Minogue again. God almighty, how can anyone spend more than about three seconds having that tinny sh*tty artificial nasal whine pollute their ears?
More charts and Yazz. Not climbing fast enough to beat the Australian bubo. This is fun and uplifting. Air punching. "Deserves to be number one". Yeah, I'll go with that. But not yet. Let's have some Enya first.
Playout is Spinal Tap. Er, Guns & Roses. Not for me.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 28, 2019 8:39:23 GMT 1
From the "what in the name of everything that is holy were you THINKING department..."
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 18, 2019 8:43:04 GMT 1
"Ashes To Ashes" by Dua Lipa.
Hmmmm. That might actually work. Albeit not for an advert...
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 18, 2019 0:38:11 GMT 1
To pick two examples from the same week, Kirk Brandon and Julian Cope were also London-based...
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 17, 2019 22:01:05 GMT 1
I never realized, in period, just how much domination SAW had on TOTP, probably cos I was barely watching it by that point, and how much they squeezed out other artists who qualified for a play.
I would put money on there being some sort of payola going on. Like, you put Hazell Dean (who must surely have been the subject of a bet) on TOTP, or you don't get the Minogue midget on Saturday Superstore.
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 17, 2019 17:23:31 GMT 1
And finally 27/10 to get me up to date. Mayo and Anthea "I Didn't Get My Job Because My Boyfriend Is A Famous Presenter, Honestly" Turner, looking rather perky. Her introduction to Milli Vanilli is somewhat abruptly cut off. Hm? The single is surprisingly OK but they are barely even bothering to mime. Either that or the camera is on Milli when it should be on Vanilli.
We go straight into the breakers. Turner cannot pronounce Tanita Tikaram's name. Well, this is a bit different to her debut, it sounds like she's about to top herself. Highest climber is Robert Palmer. This is also a surprise, as it's not soft rock at all, this is almost lounge soul. But it's quite wonderful. Intricately structured with two separate choral lines that never meet up. Yazz, new in at 11, whereas for f***ing Minogue that gets a full play, for Yazz, WHO IS MORE POPULAR THAN HER BECAUSE SHE BEAT HER TO NUMBER ONE BEFORE, gets a snippet in the breakers. THIS IS CHART MANIPULATION, PEOPLE. THE SAWMILL IS BASICALLY BUYING THE TOP SPOT. Has the Plastic Population vanished?
Art Of Noise. Jones the Voice. I think he's singing live. Watch and learn, Minogue. Raw power. Even Iggy would be admiring. Little sling in of "Close To The Edit". Now THIS is how you do a cover version. Make it significantly different to the original. Indeed this one surpasses it.
Charts. Kraze don't get a pic, just a drawing. Turner introduces Royal House as if she's just ingested about ten kilo of caffeine. "They've just flown in". That would be Todd Terry then. It's the same bar over and over and over and over again. It must sound better in a club.
Top 30. They don't mention the title of the song by Jolly Roger. Which deserves a play. I haven't commented on the Sinitta pic yet. That's cos if I look at it too much I go blind.
Deacon Blue on TOTP. God almighty, Lorraine is gorgeous. Girls with tambourines are automatic win.
Top 10. Graphic shows Wilde going down, is that right? Shitney is down. Minogue at no. 2. Ah, I see why the BBC is fixing the charts. They don't want Yazz leapfrogging Minogue again. Meanwhile Enya is at no. 1. A rare lapse into good taste by the record buying public.
Playout is Beatmasters. Again a repeat performance.
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 17, 2019 16:46:14 GMT 1
The month and its double. Steve Wright, wearing an acid t-shirt which should kill off the entire genre, and Caron "I Didn't Get My Job Because My Mom Is A Famous Presenter, Honestly" Keating. Starting with D-Mob on tape. There's been a huge amount of hostile publicity about it promoting drug use, despite the line of "if you thought it was a drug, now you know you're wrong".
The Christians also on video. Social conscience. It's a fantastic video but I'mgetting a bit fed up with being guilt-tripped. Is it too much to suggest that most of the fault with third world famine lies with the likes of Mengistu and Mugabe and Nguema?
Top 40. Julian Cope non-moves at 35. Will that get him a play? Doubt it, he's not a SAWmill project.
Into the studio. Enya. Wonder why she's miming live It's not the sort of song that lends itself to live performance. Funny that the studio engineer gets a namecheck. It's almost an Easter egg amongst the mysticism of the song.
Breakers. 29, Deacon Blue. Why do they have a comparatively reedy lead singer while the backing singer, who definitely has the chops, is stuck on the, well, backing? Video has that highlight colour thing that is sooooo late 80s New Kind Of Bank Account. It is, actually, a really good song. Very sixties popbeat. Milli Vanilli. Which one's which? They're wearing a sartorial equivalent of a mullet, top half for business, bottom half for party. They sing "ooh" weirdly, it's like their mouths are singing "eee".
Erasure. Same performance as before? Looks like there were lots of scheduling problems for artists, maybe that's why Enya rocked up.
30-11. All fairly dull. Minogue at 11 as a new entry? My God, has this sh*t experiment not run its course yet? God almighty, she sings like a f***ing Dalek. And in that context "f***ing" is not an intensitive. Horrible, computer-twisted caterwaul to disguise that her entire talent lies in having a cute arse.
Shitney at no. 1 and WPGR with what is probably another repeat performance. Nice looking girl standing next to Caron at the end, looks a bit shy.
Well, what was the point of anyone actually going to the studio for that?
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 17, 2019 12:11:33 GMT 1
13/10/88. Brookes & Davies. PP Arnold on the show as a highest climber. Single has a decent verse and sting in the chorus, but then totally runs out of steam, it just repeats itself. Patricia is doing her best to sell it but it's not really that compelling. Contra Beatmasters' work with Betty Boo...
At no. 31, Sabrina. Yet another SAWmill bag of sh*te. And she's dressed rather conservatively. Appalling.
Charts. SOD go down but Cope goes up, will that get him a play? Whom am I kidding?
At no. 19, here are Secret Garden with "T'Pau". Heh, Brookes instantly knows he's f***ed up. Decker has a cutely murderous look on her face as a result. God almighty, that dress is painted on her. Such a good song, why is it in the chart boondocks?
Breakers. 29. Enya. This was the last song played on The Chart Show on Channel 4 and I was instantly mesmerized. This is almost as good as Cocteau Twins. Followed by another splendid video for The Christians. D-Mob with a song that's about to be banned. Gary Haisman gets the easiest chart credit on a song ever.
Kim Wilde. Bloody love this. Her voice is somewhat swallowed up in production but it works for this particular song. It's incredibly dramatic and swooping and dynamic and I can imagine a storm breaking throughout this song. Can imagine this easily as a driving rock standard.
Charts. Sinitta goes up 2. That means she's going to be on, doesn't it? Because the BBC is obviously in the SAWmill's pocket. And, right on cue. There she f***ing is. At least this time she is dressed in the way her level of talent deserves.
Top 10. The Womacks still at 4, it's a remarkable run of consistency. Shitney is at no. 1. f*** this sh*t.
And the playout is Bananarama.
Three of the songs on TOTP were from Stock Aitken Waterman. There were a dozen songs more worthy of a play. This is rotten to the f***ing core.
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 17, 2019 9:34:14 GMT 1
6 October, Mayo and Skinner, the latter appearing as a Pat Sharp tribute act. Pasadenas non-move at 13 so naturally get an appearance straight away. How does that work?
Bobby McFerrin. There has been some recent publicity about his remarkable vocal dexterity, literal one-man shows,and now he has a hit single. Robin Williams and Bill Irwin helping to clown out in the video. It's different. Not sure how long lasting it will be.
Charts. Julian Cope and Spear of Destiny get new entries. Highest new entry is Kim Wilde at 32, quiet week then. Big riser this week is Wee Papa Girl Rappers and they're on. "We rule, we like to swing our pants". They're like a sort of Grange Hill Cookie Crew. It's OK on one listen but that chorus is going to get irritating very quickly.
Breakers. SOD get a smidge. This is an absolutely FANTASTIC record. Different from Kirk's normal output. Almost epic. PP Arnold with The Beatmasters, blimey, she looks really good. Her voice is not shown off to its best potential though. And highest new entry is Kim Wilde, with a splendid slice of power pop. That's a brilliant set of breakers, they should all have been given a proper play. But of course we had to have The Pasadenas for the trillionth time.
Erasure. Great single, difficult to sing given the chorus upward sweep.
Charts. Bros are off a cliff, really surprising. I suppose Brosmania is not as deep as it is painted.
Ghastly at 7. And yet again "a song he wrote himself". f***ing hypocrisy. Backing singer though is HOTTT.
Top 10. The Max are non-moving despite a fall last week. The Hollies have lost the top spot, U2 are there for the first time. Playout is The Durannies, experimental is the best thing about it, it's not really any good.
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 16, 2019 22:10:16 GMT 1
29.9. Davies and Goodier. Sinitta gets a performance despite only being at 38. Something denied e.g. the Stuffies, Belinda Carlisle and basically everyone else that's not part of the Politburo. This is, of course, utter crap, and she's not even got the decency to show off those pins.
Highest new entry is U2. Hm, never thought it would happen for them. Oh, The Hollies get a mention in the intro, they're obviously still no. 1. "Desire", this sounds more country rock than stadium rock. Not my tasse de thé.
Charts. Acts higher than Sinitta who are entitled to a play: T'Pau, Wee Papa Girl Rappers, Springsteen. Wonder if any of them will get anything other than the breakers.
Hazell Dean. f***ing hell, it's the same as the Sinitta one. I tell you something, forget subjectivity. People buying this sh*t are objectively thick as sh*t.
Breakers. Alexander O'Neal, with something not good at all, Duran Duran, with something, well, experimental, and Erasure, with something rather sweet and lovely, although they've basically gone 100% literal with the video. Note that all of those are more deserving of a full play than Sinitta.
Houston. Highest climber? Dear sweet God. There's one born every f***ing minute.
Charts. God, that Sinitta sh*te is still in the background. Let's repeat the experiment. Transvision Vamp, Bananarama (they're coming up), Bobby McFerrin, Salt 'n' Pepa, Bon Jovi, Proclaimers.
And so here are Bananarama, with something else SAWmilled and which is also complete tosswank, it's almost a remake of "Love In The Third Degree". Sing the words to it, they fit pretty well other than the chorus. Although Keren is looking babes as ever.
Top 10. Hollies are still no. 1. They're obviously aware that this might be their last shot as they're in the studio again. Don't blame them for enjoying it. Weird note: Allan Clarke on this is younger than Noel Gallagher is now. I think that's a reflection of how much of a rut music has been stuck in this millennium.
Playout is T'Pau. With an a-maze-ing video. Heh, pre-Worboys roadsigns. God, Carol's looking hawt. This is a terrific little single, deserves to be much higher than 37. Really upbeat and singalongy. And the video is quite fun.
I think questions need to be asked though. There were 7 songs in the top 40 that had more of a merit to be on the show than Sinitta that didn't get played at all, plus another four that had a truncated outing. On top of which there was a second SAW act on who also didn't deserve being on as much as, say, Proclaimers. Who the f*** is booking this sh*t and how much are they being bribed?
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 16, 2019 20:26:56 GMT 1
2 and four ninths. Campbell and Crane. PSBs starting off with a full band now. I suppose the lyrics are wryly subversive but I can't be bothered as it's a fairly dull tune and Tennant is not a great singer.
Womax in the studio, peeps. Q.v. infra.
Charts. The Stuffies are IN at 40. Bet they won't get a play. Medley's HAHHMB is plummeting. Who the hell is still buying Buvsump? Hazell Dean must have recorded a shitload because she never seems not to have a single out.
Studio. How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers. He's at no. 4 with a pointlessly remixed version of his chillaxed classic. Two girls who are shouting "hey hey" randomly because THAT'S WHAT VER KIDS WANT. He looks vaguely embarrassed about the whole thing. Especially as he has two voicelines to cover with his miming. Yet he's got a top five out of it.
Breakerinos. Wendy James in a bra and short shorts. I might need a moment.
Right. Whitney Houston. I think the Vamp song was an old one that has been re-issued now they have name recognition. Houston can feck off, this is so blatantly Disney. Bon Jovi. Interesing idea for the video, they just gave handicams to a load of fans. It's very good by their low standards. Interesting delayed chorus, they've progressed songwritingwise.
Charts. Rick Astley. Gah. Campbell goes out of his way to say Astley wrote it. Yeah, they do that with EVERYBODY who writes their own material, don't they? This is like f***ing Pravda. And the song is sh*t.
Top 10. Yello only up 1? Sad times. Bros FALLING? Weird. New number 1. A sixties cover replaced by a sixties single. There was always something wrong that an artist as big and famous as The Hollies only ever had the one "official" no. 1 (they had others in the other charts). But at least now they are formally two-time chart-toppers. Terry Sylvester's first one though. Also another number 1 for Elton John...
Pasadenas to finish. Doesn't get better with more of it. They could have bloody put the Stuffies on.
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 12, 2019 23:46:22 GMT 1
One to the five to the nine. Mayo and Powell, the latter on his last show, and looking like he's just finished his stint selling ice creams. Is it a veiled critique that the first song on is "I Quit"? Bros seem to have expanded, they've got a keyboardist and guitarist. This is really good. Bros so far are a palpable cut above the other boybands that the SAWmill vomits on us. As a song it's quite intriguing, with a false chorus and key changes. This would be a hit even without the screaming pre-teens.
The Commodores. They got their name by picking it by random out of the dictionary. They were so close to being The Commodes. From the era in which Motown lost its way. Can't be bothered.
Charts. Belinda is back, deep joy. So is Wendy James. And The Primitives. This is a loaded bottom 10.
Proclaimers. The one who doesn't normally get to sing gets to sing. Yeah, this IS great fun. And it's terrific to see the word "haver" in a chart hit. Authenticity. This could well go all the way.
Breakers. Pasadenas. Oh dear. That early promise has already fizzled out. It sounds so anaemic after the jollity so far. Coldcut with Junior Reid. This is more Reid than Coldcut. It's not very good at all. Salt & Pepa. A rarity, an American record that is better than the preceding British record.
Back to the studio, well, on video. Jason Donovan. f*** OFF. f*** off and die you talentless ****. f*** f*** f*** OFF. f*** f*** f*** f*** OFF. f***ing hell. Thinking about the thick shits buying this makes me warm to King Herod.
Next load of charts. Wiedlin at 12, still climbing. And we go right up to no. 2. Well, they didn't get on last week, but they're on this week. The Hollies, albeit with a slightly different line-up. This really is a classic and knocks Medley's into a cocked hat. They had loads of no. 2s in the past, it seems wrong that such an important act should only have one number 1. I'd assume they could dislodge Collins, but Bros on the rails...
Powell: "the old songs never die". I'm guessing nobody will be clamouring for a re-issue of "Nothing Can f***ing Divide Us". As if to prove the point, Bill Withers is at 6.
Playout is Inner City with "Fig Bun". Cute girl with a pixie cut. This is already sounding dated, Chicago house was so 1986.
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 10, 2019 22:01:28 GMT 1
How can it be a stunning version of a classic song WHEN IT IS EXACTLY THE f***ing SAME? Just plug in a different vocalist?
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 10, 2019 21:27:36 GMT 1
Eight nine. Read and Andy Crane Has Got No Brain. Brand new no. 1? No hints there. Marc Almod "and Masia"? Hm, has he been listening to The Mission lately? This is reminiscent of "Tower Of Strength".
Gloria Estefan. No, no, no, no.
Charts. Oh God, Jason Donovan is releasing records now? f***'s sake, what next? Stefan f***ing Dennis?
Spagna. Bit cruel to make her go on after she got her finger caught in a plug socket. Could they not find anything else to fill this gap? Like a herd of cows farting?
Breakers. Anthrax. Heh, thrashy. There's some serious musicianship going on on this. Bill Medley with a very overwrought version of "He Ain't Heavy" which is meant to push his voice rather than the song. He looks about 74 and he's dressed like Crockett &/or Tubbs. Sad. Proclaimers, this is great fun and a lot more integritous.
Highest new entry is at 16. Oh God, it's Michael Jackson. This gets a full play on the British BC yet the British Proclaimers don't. How can I judge this as a single? It's just wallpaper. The definition of album filler. I bet nobody will remember this in 20 years time.
Charts, and we skip to 8 for Yello. Yay. Dieter did a bit of hillclimbing in Switzerland (the motor sport version) so he has credibility. Manfred Winkelhock's monstrous accident at the Nurburgring in 1980 in Formula 2, he walked away, went back to the pits and said he had had a small incident. When he saw the footage later that night he threw up. Alas it was a delay for the popular German, he would die at Mosport in a 962 in 1985. This has no. 1 written all over it.
Top 10. Highest climber is...The Hollies. Wow. They must get a play, surely? Yazz is off the top. Sad times. It also means the top 2 is dire.
Playout is the lovely Jane Wiedlin.
OK, let's work this logic. The Hollies have the highest climber and are at no. 5 with "He Ain't Heavy". They are not on this week and were not on last week. Yet they play BILL MEDLEY?!?!
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 10, 2019 20:39:58 GMT 1
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 10, 2019 18:31:30 GMT 1
^ idiotic that nobody thought it worthwhile releasing the original, there was a guaranteed hit there and nobody in the industry capitalized. Too busy selling £15 CDs of Fake T**t sh*te to thick teens.
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 10, 2019 16:05:42 GMT 1
Another one from a supposedly credible act.
Did they actually change the backing, or is it 100% karaoke? Utterly immoral.
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 10, 2019 13:02:42 GMT 1
Pinch and a punch. Goodier and, oh God, Wright. "Sime-ulcast". And what hip hop and happening act is going to open this brave new era? Level 42. The proof that this won't live long in the memory is that I don't remember it at all.
Iglesias & Wonder. So feckin blatant.
Charts. Background is Yello, who obviously deserve a go on Ver Pops. Primitives are back, good. Bill Medley at 32 with "He Ain't Heavy", what's wrong with The Hollies' version?
Studio. Womack x2. Good stuff.
Breakers. Guns & Roses. Again this is hardly rock. Distinctive voice. Gloria Estefan with a "beautiful" (which in this sense means "sh*te") song. Yello are at 14 and they only get a video? WTF? They've tried for a decade to get a hit single and they only have breaker? Derek Daly's crash at Monaco 1980, nobody injured amazingly.
A-ha. This is weird, it's like they've gone back six years. It's quite jolly, it just doesn't sound like A-ha.
Charts. Screens in the background doing a sort of Ceefax animation. Mory Kante never got a play and he's down. Oh, here are The Hollies. Re-entry, surely, not a re-entry? OK, so Yello had the highest climber, and only get a Breaker?
Bomb The Bass. Ordinary.
Top 10. Yazz still no. 1, we get the video. Phil Collins on playout with a deathly dull and glacially slow version of "Groovy Kind Of Love".
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 10, 2019 11:45:10 GMT 1
Pi approximation day pt 2. Davies and Campbell. Yazz is still no.1, f*** you Minogue. We are instantly back to playing the breakers from last week. Big Country. Stuart Adamson, who left The Skits to become a Big Country member. And we do remember. Arf. He sounds like Morten Harket on this.
Jane Wiedlin. Not looking very Go-Go-ey, but sounding pop perfect. She did tend to be the best songwriter in the band (with Charlotte Caffey). Davies thinks she's cute.
Charts. Aztec Camera's performance last week plunges them straight to the basement. Counterproductive. Donny Osmond? Feck.
Brother Beyond. Fast forward.
Breakers. Bomb The Bass. This is far more an actual tune rather than cut-up samples. Highest climber is Womack & Womack, with a cheapass video, which works as you have to concentrate on a very good song.
Quo. No.
Charts. Breathe. And Breathe. This is classic American dullness. Amazing that they're British.
Yazz still no. 1. Next week's will be a radio 1 simulcast. Permanent thing? Playout is Tanita Tikaram. Quick question, why is it a good tradition of good and HATE? That's not a very good thing.
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