Post by vastar iner on May 3, 2015 19:56:04 GMT 1
Just working out how to fit yet more books into the vaspad, and I found a decade-old copy of the NME. I have absolutely no idea why I bought it at this remove, perhaps for the free CD. Anyway, it's worth a shufti just to see how in ten little years everything, or nothing, has changed. (Cover price: £1.90.)
To orient ourselves, top of the charts that week was Tony Christie, who was also topping the album charts, with Mario climbing from 94 to 2 with a song I don't remember at all. Also in the top 10 were McFly, 50 Cent (highest new entry), Elvis (odious cash-in), Will Smith, Gwen Stefani, Natalie Imbruglia, Sunset Strippers (about to rob Art Brut of a top 40) and Nelly. In at 13 were The Faders, the best track in the charts was at 25 ("Oh Yeah" by The Subways) and at 75 was Tweet, just before his/her/its name was about to become global.
The issue came out in the wake of the SXSW Festival so was suffused with its acts. Front cover was Kasabian. The issue proclaimed that it would include the best new bands of 2005, which it named as Bloc Party, Kaiser Chiefs, Maximo Park, The Kills, LCD Soundsystem, The Cribs, The Music and Willy Mason, who isn't a band.
It's a bit like the stoning in Life Of Brian.
Also getting front page mentions are The Tears (which turned out to be half of Suede; I don't remember that one iota) and an Oasis "exclusive", which, continuing with the anti-gyny, quotes Noel as saying Liam is like a woman with PMT. Oh, the wit.
Inside is the listing for the free CD - ostensibly hanging on the SXSW Festival - and it features those "best new bands", plus Hot Chip, The Blueskins, VHS Or Beta (anyone?), Radio 4 (ditto), The Longcut (tritto) and Punish The Atom (quitto). Again, there are fewer women than at a monastery. Other than Ellie Meadows, who is the title of The Blueskins' cut.
The inside headline is "The British Empire Strikes Back!", about the British invasion at SXSW. Graham Coxon (whatever happened to him?) and Goldie Lookin' Chain to the forefront. Also The Futureheads and The Bravery. Page 7 has our first woman; Jemina from Be Your Own Pet in a rather sweaty picture and a mini-pic of MIA. The NME, finger on the pulse, picked BYOP and Smoosh as ones to watch, plus Every Move A Picture, We Are Scientists, Stag Party, Two Gallants, Giant Drag, Wolfmother, The Red Walls and Supersystem.
Zane Lowe contributed a spacefiller diary; he missed out on Dogs Die In Hot Cars because the queue was so big. There were rumours of a Blur reunification. Prescient.
Noel's interview proclaimed that Oasis' new album - Don't Believe The Truth - was their best since Definitely Maybe. How strange. Coldplay were wrestling with last-minute track changes for X&Y, although unfortunately they decided to have some.
The letters page started with the sentence "I hate The Bravery with every f***ing bone in my body." Thanks for that, Caroline Davis. Although Ms Davis' hypothesis that The Killers were better does not match up with her conclusion. She says The Bravery only played "to get women in minuscule skirts to give them blowjobs", but two paragraphs above waxes lyrical about the magnitude Mick Killer's genital area. Other bands getting pelters are Towers Of London, Kaiser Chiefs and Queens Of Noize.
The competition prize was a Ministry Of Sound Stickax, which appeared to be some sort of trigger-shaped MP3 mixer, straight out of Nathan Barley. On page 21 we get the first female band - The Priscillas - who are squeezed between the Dave Matthews Band's tour bus dropping excreta over a tourist boat and ODB's mum paying tribute to her dead son.
Gig reviews include The Raveonettes and Trail Of Dead, and the lead album review is Open Season by British Sea Power. 8 out of 10. All the big reviews get between 6 and 8, which suggests that the reviews are a) next to useless and b) payola-ed; those scoring 8 are Fischerspooner and Dead Meadow. There are some bitsa reviews but only an Aaliyah retrospective gets under 6, with the deathless comment "presumably taking less time to compile than her embalmer spent recompiling her". I suppose she couldn't sue.
The MTV2 chart in the back had Beck at no. 1 with E-Pro, dethroning Razorlight (dear sweet God), whom the NME nominated for track of the week (dear sweet f***ing God on a barbed wire dildo). Runner-up was Lady Sovereign, presumably because they didn't realize she was a lesbian.
Adverts included Universal looking for a new pop-punk band ("Blink, Green Day"), which, in the wake of Busted and McFly, just shows how vacuous the industry really is. Individuals only. Hardmonic Music were looking for a singer with "original voice". Placebo's managers were looking for an Irish guitarist (not for Placebo). And there was a half a page advert for hydroponics. Er, what? Is the NME readership that high up with horticul...oh, I see.
Anyway. That was a depressing experience. Nearly everything in it was crap.
To orient ourselves, top of the charts that week was Tony Christie, who was also topping the album charts, with Mario climbing from 94 to 2 with a song I don't remember at all. Also in the top 10 were McFly, 50 Cent (highest new entry), Elvis (odious cash-in), Will Smith, Gwen Stefani, Natalie Imbruglia, Sunset Strippers (about to rob Art Brut of a top 40) and Nelly. In at 13 were The Faders, the best track in the charts was at 25 ("Oh Yeah" by The Subways) and at 75 was Tweet, just before his/her/its name was about to become global.
The issue came out in the wake of the SXSW Festival so was suffused with its acts. Front cover was Kasabian. The issue proclaimed that it would include the best new bands of 2005, which it named as Bloc Party, Kaiser Chiefs, Maximo Park, The Kills, LCD Soundsystem, The Cribs, The Music and Willy Mason, who isn't a band.
It's a bit like the stoning in Life Of Brian.
Also getting front page mentions are The Tears (which turned out to be half of Suede; I don't remember that one iota) and an Oasis "exclusive", which, continuing with the anti-gyny, quotes Noel as saying Liam is like a woman with PMT. Oh, the wit.
Inside is the listing for the free CD - ostensibly hanging on the SXSW Festival - and it features those "best new bands", plus Hot Chip, The Blueskins, VHS Or Beta (anyone?), Radio 4 (ditto), The Longcut (tritto) and Punish The Atom (quitto). Again, there are fewer women than at a monastery. Other than Ellie Meadows, who is the title of The Blueskins' cut.
The inside headline is "The British Empire Strikes Back!", about the British invasion at SXSW. Graham Coxon (whatever happened to him?) and Goldie Lookin' Chain to the forefront. Also The Futureheads and The Bravery. Page 7 has our first woman; Jemina from Be Your Own Pet in a rather sweaty picture and a mini-pic of MIA. The NME, finger on the pulse, picked BYOP and Smoosh as ones to watch, plus Every Move A Picture, We Are Scientists, Stag Party, Two Gallants, Giant Drag, Wolfmother, The Red Walls and Supersystem.
Zane Lowe contributed a spacefiller diary; he missed out on Dogs Die In Hot Cars because the queue was so big. There were rumours of a Blur reunification. Prescient.
Noel's interview proclaimed that Oasis' new album - Don't Believe The Truth - was their best since Definitely Maybe. How strange. Coldplay were wrestling with last-minute track changes for X&Y, although unfortunately they decided to have some.
The letters page started with the sentence "I hate The Bravery with every f***ing bone in my body." Thanks for that, Caroline Davis. Although Ms Davis' hypothesis that The Killers were better does not match up with her conclusion. She says The Bravery only played "to get women in minuscule skirts to give them blowjobs", but two paragraphs above waxes lyrical about the magnitude Mick Killer's genital area. Other bands getting pelters are Towers Of London, Kaiser Chiefs and Queens Of Noize.
The competition prize was a Ministry Of Sound Stickax, which appeared to be some sort of trigger-shaped MP3 mixer, straight out of Nathan Barley. On page 21 we get the first female band - The Priscillas - who are squeezed between the Dave Matthews Band's tour bus dropping excreta over a tourist boat and ODB's mum paying tribute to her dead son.
Gig reviews include The Raveonettes and Trail Of Dead, and the lead album review is Open Season by British Sea Power. 8 out of 10. All the big reviews get between 6 and 8, which suggests that the reviews are a) next to useless and b) payola-ed; those scoring 8 are Fischerspooner and Dead Meadow. There are some bitsa reviews but only an Aaliyah retrospective gets under 6, with the deathless comment "presumably taking less time to compile than her embalmer spent recompiling her". I suppose she couldn't sue.
The MTV2 chart in the back had Beck at no. 1 with E-Pro, dethroning Razorlight (dear sweet God), whom the NME nominated for track of the week (dear sweet f***ing God on a barbed wire dildo). Runner-up was Lady Sovereign, presumably because they didn't realize she was a lesbian.
Adverts included Universal looking for a new pop-punk band ("Blink, Green Day"), which, in the wake of Busted and McFly, just shows how vacuous the industry really is. Individuals only. Hardmonic Music were looking for a singer with "original voice". Placebo's managers were looking for an Irish guitarist (not for Placebo). And there was a half a page advert for hydroponics. Er, what? Is the NME readership that high up with horticul...oh, I see.
Anyway. That was a depressing experience. Nearly everything in it was crap.