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Post by Robin on Apr 6, 2004 16:16:34 GMT 1
All sport jokes can go in this thread, I know there's loads out there!
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Post by Robin on Apr 6, 2004 16:17:43 GMT 1
David Beckham decides to go horse riding. Although he has had no
previous experience he skilfully mounts the Horse and appears in complete command
of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace. Victoria admiringly watches her husband.
After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose
his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse around the neck
shouting for it to stop. Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help
her husband as David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle
and is only saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a
grip on the horses neck. David decides that his best chance is to leap away
from the horse, but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As
the horse gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he is
slipping into unconsciousness. Victoria is now frantic and screams and screams
for help!!!!
Hearing her screams, the Tesco's Security Guard comes out of the store and unplugs the horse.
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Post by Melian on Apr 6, 2004 16:20:20 GMT 1
David Beckham decides to go horse riding. Although he has had no previous experience he skilfully mounts the Horse and appears in complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace. Victoria admiringly watches her husband. After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse around the neck shouting for it to stop. Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband as David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip on the horses neck. David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As the horse gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness. Victoria is now frantic and screams and screams for help!!!! Hearing her screams, the Tesco's Security Guard comes out of the store and unplugs the horse. ;D |
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Post by Admin on Apr 6, 2004 17:09:52 GMT 1
David Beckham decides to go horse riding. Although he has had no previous experience he skilfully mounts the Horse and appears in complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace. Victoria admiringly watches her husband. After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse around the neck shouting for it to stop. Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband as David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip on the horses neck. David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As the horse gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness. Victoria is now frantic and screams and screams for help!!!! Hearing her screams, the Tesco's Security Guard comes out of the store and unplugs the horse. ;D ;D ;D And there's the one about the bloke jumping off the building on the news. Only sport related in that it involves david beckham;) |
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Post by Melian on Apr 6, 2004 17:44:23 GMT 1
;D ;D ;D And there's the one about the bloke jumping off the building on the news. Only sport related in that it involves david beckham;) Do tell! |
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Post by Robin on Apr 7, 2004 13:55:25 GMT 1
Here's another good un.
THE GARY NEVILLE DIARIES
Thursday March 4 2004
It's been a difficult week for the Neviller. Here's his diary of the week -
including a terrible accident with a non-permanent marker...
Friday March 5 2004
Put the cones out for Sir today and he glanced at me. Made me feel
special. He never looks at Phil like that. Told Mum and she said I have
to share but that's not fair because I got to the cones first. Moustache
looks a bit thicker today.
Saturday March 6 2004
Won today but I didn't play Watched MUTV all night to see whether
Sir said he missed me. Am sure they edited it out. Hung out with Rio
until he told me to 'go away innit'. Will tell Sir tomorrow. Deffo not a
penalty today - gave that girl Boa Morte a nasty stare after the game to
let him know that I know. Man in wheelchair laughed at my moustache.
Cried myself to sleep.
Sunday March 7 2004
Took Sir an apple. But Weasley gave him a bottle of red wine so
he'll probably play on Tuesday. Creep. Went to Mum's for dinner but she
tried to make me eat sprouts and then laughed when I banged my fists on
the kitchen lino. She won't laugh again. Read Sir's book in bed.
Coloured in moustache with marker. Looks manly.
Monday March 8 2004
Rained at training. Marker wasn't permanent.
Tuesday (early) March 9 2004
Playing tonight so was definitely worth washing bibs for Sir. Looked at
papers and I was in them again! Will put in scrapbook. So glad I said
Porto don't act like men. Am really getting good at this mind games
business. Photo on back of The Sun made my moustache look thin but Mum
says it's just the ink. She says I look handsome.
Tuesday (late) March 9 2004
Not fair. Not fair. Not fair. It was a goal and we should have won and
someone pushed me and someone tried to hurt Ronaldo and the girls dived
on the floor and the referee blew the whistle before we could score and
they celebrated in front of OUR fans and that made me so angry but I had
to go and tell the TV that they deserved it (they didn't and I had my
fingers crossed. Ha!). It's just not fair because we're the best team in
the whole wide world.
Have given Philip a Chinese burn for that free-kick and told Sir to sell
him.
Wednesday March 10 2004
Sir not happy today. He didn't even cheer up when I gave him my drawing.
Wonder if he'll put it on his fridge with the others? Saw a small boy
laughing at me so held him down until he said that Manchester United
were the best team in the whole wide world. Feel better now. Bought some
Re-Gane and put on top lip. Can't wait until the morning to see my
bushy, manly 'tache.
Thursday March 11 2004
Phoned David to ask him to ask Elton about hair transplants. He said he
was 'too busy preparing for the quarter-finals of the Champions League'.
Am going to tell Sir and then I'm going to fly to Spain and then hold
him down until he says that Manchester United are the best team in the
whole wide world. And I'm going to take back the Man United sovereign
ring I sent him for Christmas.
Update: Mum says I can't go to Spain.
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Post by Admin on Apr 7, 2004 15:58:52 GMT 1
lol, that is just MEAN! ;D
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Post by Melian on Apr 7, 2004 15:59:28 GMT 1
lol, more please, Robin? ;D
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Post by Robin on Apr 7, 2004 16:49:03 GMT 1
I think i've got another Gary Neville joke somewhere. They are all in the archive on my PC at work so i'll see what else I can find!
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Post by Admin on Apr 7, 2004 19:56:01 GMT 1
I think i've got another Gary Neville joke somewhere. They are all in the archive on my PC at work so i'll see what else I can find! I just deleted all mine as they were taking up space:( The beckham one about the bloke jumping off a roof was CLASS! Here's one for you... Chesterfield! ;D |
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Post by Melian on Apr 7, 2004 20:00:21 GMT 1
I think i've got another Gary Neville joke somewhere. They are all in the archive on my PC at work so i'll see what else I can find! excellent |
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Post by Robin on Apr 8, 2004 10:37:46 GMT 1
Here's one for you... Chesterfield! ;D You mean Cheaterfield!  |
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Post by Admin on Apr 8, 2004 11:06:37 GMT 1
You mean Cheaterfield! SPOT ON! Cue question from sofie about why/how chesterfield cheated? I'll hand that one to you robin... |
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Post by Robin on Apr 8, 2004 11:31:41 GMT 1
Kinda complicated in the same way as Boston cheated, but I'm not sure I remember all the details now!
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Post by Admin on Apr 8, 2004 11:33:09 GMT 1
Brown envelopes is the main thing, but Boston were more harshly punished than cheaterfield...  |
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Post by Melian on Apr 8, 2004 11:42:50 GMT 1
SPOT ON! Cue question from sofie about why/how chesterfield cheated? I'll hand that one to you robin... I wasn't going to ask.  |
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Post by Robin on Apr 8, 2004 13:23:06 GMT 1
Excellent quotes from footballers:
'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.'
- David Beckham
'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.'
- Mark Viduka
'We lost because we didn't win.'
- Ronaldo
'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.'
- Neville Southall
'He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa.'
- Ronnie Whelan
'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing.'
- Ade Akinbiyi
'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.'
- Stuart Pearce
'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had.'
- David Beckham
'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.'
- Paul Gascoigne
'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.'
- Alan Shearer
'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.'
- Mark Draper
'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.'
- Peter Shilton
'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester.'
- Stan Collymore
'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.'
- Ian Wright
'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.'
- Ugo Ehiogu
'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough.'
- Jonathan Woodgate
'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right.'
- Lee Hendrie
'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.'
- Ian Rush
'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today.' - Steve Lomas
'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.'
- Barry Venison
'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.'
- David Beckham
'The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukranians will be more European.'
- Phil Neville
'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.'
- Mitchell Thomas
'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.'
- Graeme Le Saux
'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.'
- Alan Shearer
'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.'
- Johnny Giles
'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.'
- Les Ferdinand
'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked.'
- Richard Rufus
'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between.'
- Gary Lineker
'Sometimes in football you have to score goals.'
- Thierry Henry
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Post by Admin on Apr 8, 2004 13:30:22 GMT 1
Classics, who says footballers are thick?  |
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Shania
Member
Hard to Beat
Posts: 3,530
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Post by Shania on Apr 11, 2004 10:56:15 GMT 1
'We lost because we didn't win.' - Ronaldo That reminds me of George W Bush quote "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure" ;D Here's one joke  A woman, while touring a small South American country was shown a bullfight. The guide told her, "This is our number one sport." The horrified woman said, "Isn't that revolting?" "No," the guide replied, "revolting is our number two sport" |
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Post by Melian on Apr 11, 2004 10:57:36 GMT 1
That reminds me of George W Bush quote "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure" ;D Here's one joke A woman, while touring a small South American country was shown a bullfight. The guide told her, "This is our number one sport." The horrified woman said, "Isn't that revolting?" "No," the guide replied, "revolting is our number two sport" ;D |
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