vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Oct 3, 2023 7:55:41 GMT 1
I also wonder how expensive it was - there was obvious re-use of sets but some of them must have been built up for what turned out to be about two minutes of footage.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Oct 6, 2023 14:18:23 GMT 1
2/3. Presented by Keith Allen, who seems to be undergoing a nervous breakdown in front of our eyes. MN8, utter rubbish. With the amount of red they are wearing I am praying for a herd of bulls.
Mike Plus The Mechanics. Radio 2 pap. But that Paul Carrack has had a bit of success is at least something. Not sure why he needs a bandage around his bonce.
Nightcrawlers. Oh, it's THAT one. Vocoder and blando dando repetitious soulless space-filling.
Alexander Partyxander. Second dancer on the right as it starts, is that Rosamund Pike?
Comic Relief song, which is...erm...not very comic. It has class, let's at least give it that, even if it's very Ewan McGregor For Water Aid.
Jesus, can't someone either shoot Keith Allen or get him in a straitjacket? It's almost cruel letting him present in this manner. Elton John with a repeat. This is a very repeaty programme.
Scarlet. Again. I love a Louise Brooks bob though. She was HOTTTTTTT. It even looks good on the fat one in US Ghosts. The audience knows this song now btw, it soars along with the chorus.
An exclusive from Faith No More. It's not quite my tasse de thé but a) it's way better than their anaemic cover versions and b) this is the sort of exclusive Ver Pops needs. Only I would have had them play 100% live. It certainly gives the prog a kick-up of excitement.
FF the no. 1 and the playout is Fulham, er, Free. God almighty, if I had seen the rushes of that show, I think I would have canned it. And then fired the studio manager for letting Allen do that. The presenter should not be the star. And f*** me Allen was about as entertaining as Putin.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Oct 7, 2023 23:12:58 GMT 1
9/3. Wet x3 with an exclusive. Oh God. Boo Radleys to start. What has happened to them? They used to be so brilliant but this is...gash. Lowest common denominator garbage thrown at the Great Unwashed. Horrible.
Clock. It's basically "Axel F", which was crap to start with, sped up with some infantile rap. Is this going to be one of THOSE episodes?
Bucketheads over the charts. More unimaginative sampling. This is basically Jive f***ing Bunny.
Jesus Christ. Radiohead are ACTUALLY THE HIGHLIGHT. Coldplay lite at the moment but at least there is a tune in there somewhere.
Faith No More, which was on last week, so this is cheating.
Stevie Wonder. Now, last time he was an exclusive, didn't he miss the charts entirely? So...isn't that indication that he should not be on this show? This time he's sounding like Big Mountain.
Des'rée. Bland and inoffensive, and it sounds amazing on this sewage treatment centre of an episode.
Wet Wet Wet's exclusive is as bad as feared. The closing is Tubeway Army, and frankly everyone on this alleged episode should be embarrassed at seeing this, from a sesquidecade before, and noting that it is more adventurous, daring, futuristic, magnificent, impressive, influential, and challenging than anything any of them have ever come up with. (Except Wonder before the 1980s, of course.)
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Oct 8, 2023 19:51:22 GMT 1
16/3. NPG sans Prince. Is he going to turn up? Lenny Henry in Comic Relief mode introduces Alex Party for the 19th time. Seriously?
Human League. Stripped back to the fundamental basis (aka Phil and The Girls). I love this one. Better than "Tell Me Win". It's rather sweet and melancholic.
Comic Relief over the charts. Just noticed Mory Kante was back in again. Don't recall why.
Outhere Brothers. Um, who in the name of all that is holy is buying this? It's beyond inane, it's like someone has grabbed it from the plane of Pandemonium. It is unlistenable garbage. You HAVE to have been lobotomized to like this, surely. Hideous.
Terrorvision. I've already forgotten it.
Janet Jackson with "Chain Reaction". Prefer the original.
Freakpower. Oh God, this is terrible. This is one of the absolute worst episodes I can recall and this is against some very stiff competition lately. One good record.
OK, we finally get the NPG. With Prince (I think) wearing a full facemask. Well, this does lift the programme back up because this is a brilliant performance suffused in funk and excitement. Even the close to monochrome lighting makes it work. I can see why they kept it to near the end, you wouldn't be encouraged to wait for the Outhere Brothers.
Boring no. 1 and the playout is "Planet Earth". Think I may first have heard that on Cheggers Plays Pop.
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SheriffFatman
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Post by SheriffFatman on Oct 17, 2023 9:30:17 GMT 1
I swear Outhere Brothers are the absolute worst act ever to make the UK charts. I genuinely can’t think of anyone worse, not Black Lace, not The Smurfs, not Keith Harris and Orville, not any of those whiney people like Boyz II Men, Usher and Akon.
That performance had no class, no talent, no artistry, not even a discernible tune, just two grinning bald idiots bellowing heavily censored lyrics because the original words are so base they’re actually gynaecological. Utterly horrible, and they have an even bigger hit coming up later in the year too. Grim.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Oct 22, 2023 22:50:51 GMT 1
23/3. Simple Minds who look like dinosaurs. In this day and age a 15 year running band would be just getting going. And, as if in a deliberate choice to drive the audience as far away from the show as possible, we start with Sean Maguire, whose miming is about as convincing as a Formula 1 steward. How do I sum this up in one word? Unforgivable.
Tin Tin Out, featuring Espiritu. I see what SherriffFatman says about Outhere Brothers and I have some sympathy, but perhaps I could suggest Tin Tin Out? Their normal modus operandi seems to be taking an original song and doing nothing to it other than claim royalties. This alleged song is literally taking ONE LINE from the original and sticking an ultra-anonymous dance beat behind it. God, the audience is making me wish for the Taliban. How do I sum THIS up in one word? Evil.
Mayo throws shade on Rednex who have re-released "Cotton Eye Joe" for no evident reason and yet it's back in the charts. Is it wrong of me to suggest that everyone who bought this should be recycled so that we can re-use the potassium in their bodies to make a box of matches? They're evidently so sh*t-thick as not to be of any actual use in their actual lives, and we might save on propagating a dead-end set of DNA.
Duran Duran. Thank Christing f***. An actual proper band. OK, it's a cover version, but right now I'm at the equivalent stage of being willing to drink Diet Coke from a penis-shaped bottle, this opening trio of miasma being amongst the worst things that has ever happened.
Wet Wet Wet also with their last single. What the HELL is this with people not bothering with something new?
FINALLY. Something of a highlight. The BBC Nazis won't have Curve on, because they're good, and they'd rather have Belgian cretins, but they get Halliday on fronting up Leftfield. And they've turned the mikes off the audience, THANK GOD.
E17. Now this has gone decent-bad-good-bad. But at least this is four different genres. Not sure what I'd call this E17 thing, maybe Jeff Wayne for pre-teens? And at least they're showing a bit of moxie, rather than Barlow's effluent.
Simple Minds, who must be utterly cursing that they're on after Leftfield, as they come across as ambient bandwagoners.
No. 1 is Cherneh Christon. Not very funny.
Playout is the song for Europe shortlist. What do we have?
Deuce - crap Paul Harris - Cliff wannabe Londonbeat - funky Sox - she's got her knockers FFF - not the French Funk Federation but baggy Dear Jon - dafuq Simon Spiro - My Lovely Horse Love City Groove - an actual proper pop song
Actually the FFF and LCG ones were better than nearly everything on the show...
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Oct 24, 2023 8:59:38 GMT 1
30/3. Courtney Love's Hole do a stoned intro. Oh God, it's PJ & Duncan presenting. The modern day Little & Little. At least they're not singing. Strike, with something indistinguishable from so much other Italo sh*te in the charts. Why would anyone buy this in particular? It's like going into a pub and asking for water.
Brownstone, who look like fetishists on Play School. The by-now uber-cliché vocal opening before it rolls into uber-cliché swing. Could do with a) a verse that sounds like a tune and b) a chorus that sticks in the mind longer than a Planck time.
Wifebeater. Hm, they play this but not Glitter? It's so appalling the record company can't even be arsed to do a new video for it. This should therefore not be on, even without Brown's abuse of Houston. If they can't be bothered, why should TOTP? And why is this on straight after something which sounds the same? I note btw the chart graphics now have little arrows. Can't recall when that started.
Menswe@r. The classic example of bandwagon jumping. Signed to a major when they only had six songs because a) Britpop was taking off and b) they're from London. This isn't bad, an Elastica offcut perhaps, but there are so many way better bands doing this outside the Home Counties.
Prince, see above.
Springsteen with a live cut in what looks like a bigger Cavern. Suits his style. It's Springsteen. Deal with it.
Snap. They've got rid of Turbo B permanently, it seems, maybe he found an all-you-can-eat-buffet. It's a bit more loopy and ambient than hitherto but it is lyrically inane.
Hole. God, Love cannot sing for toffee. This is Daisy Chainsaw played at 33. Am not seeing the hype. Also am thinking Cobain could do better. Kathleen from Bikini Kill, perhaps.
Skating past the no. 1, the playout is Sailor, with the wrong hit. One of Sailor co-wrote "Karma Chameleon".
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Oct 24, 2023 20:00:28 GMT 1
Bryan Adams at the start to put anyone off from watching. Brookes wearing a fancy dress vicar costume because the opening act is Grace. About sixth time lucky for this. It's not a bad one, though, it's a cut above much of the landfill rave. What IS obvious though is that none of these groups have any idea how to do a decent performance, it's all PSBs and one frontloaded singer.
Brookes threatens us with Terence "Trout" D'arby, Adams, and, oh God, Fake T**t. And now it's Ultimate Kaos who seem to have got even younger. Either that or the lead singer is a midget. Audience is screaming at them, suggesting the Beeb has bussed in a load of paedos. There is not one single redeeming factor in this. It's Minipops-lite.
Bucketheads. They were down last week and a non-mover this. THERE IS NO REASON FOR THIS TO BE ON. IT PEAKED WEEKS AGO. WHY NOT HAVE TEENAGE FANCLUB?
TTD is looking like Yazz and sounding like Rod Stewart fronting up muzak. This is way beneath him.
Corona. Three monkeys, ten minutes.
Simple Minds, been on before.
Pato Banton, this sounds like it's been on before. Ranking Roger back on the Pops though. Well, it's a different genre. But the kindest thing I can say about it is that it's crap.
Bryan Adams is now doing Spanish guitar. Horrific.
T**t are no. 1 with something horrible and the playout is Kurt doing his p*sstake from a few years back.
That is close to being the Worst Episode Ever. Dreadful choices. One half-good song and that was the first one.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Oct 26, 2023 22:26:08 GMT 1
13/4. Phill Jupitus has been a thing for that long? Intro with Teeny Tina Arena. Love City Groove to start, this does not sound like a Eurovision song, quite mellow and summery, really been released too early. Soul II Soul Lite. Not bad at all though.
Tina Arena. We should get married, she wouldn't need to change her surname much. Also she's as cute as a speckled pup. Shame the song is cack. Celine Dion without a chorus. It's as if it's been written to show she can sing rather than show the writers can write.
REM with a single I sort of remember but had no idea what the title was. It's good though, more "Everybody Hurts" than SHP. Vague country rock overtones.
Snap. I think they've killed the backing vocalist.
Hole and Springsteen we've seen before as well. COME ON, IT'S A MOVING CHART. THREE REPEATS?
Mind you, when we next get Strike, I think I'd prefer the testcard.
Exclusive from Sinead O'Connor and Shane McGowan. Who would have thought he'd outlive her? "I blame the parents", heh. Would be better without Shane, let's be honest. At least give him a different vocal line because he cannot match with Sinead. Still, it's a decent song, even though it looks a bit like first rehearsal of the school nativity.
No. 1 is repellent, Mud on the playout. Mud is one of the worst band names ever. Given they were glam rockabilly surely something from their lyrics like Rocketblast would have been more apposite?
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SheriffFatman
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Post by SheriffFatman on Oct 27, 2023 16:00:54 GMT 1
I was waiting with baited breath for Vastariner's thoughts on Back For Good, and was disappointed.
For me it's an improvement on an unprecedented scale, unfathomable really. A band who hitherto had done a few uninspiring covers and their own material had all been utter drivel, suddenly release a single which is, well, very good. It makes no sense. I still felt shocked by it watching these repeats, it's just a great song.
The show in general seems to have lost its way a bit now though. Exclusives of songs which aren't that good, album tracks, playouts of old footage. The link to the actual singles charts seems to be fraying, which is a shame because there's some good stuff they're missing.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Oct 28, 2023 16:43:29 GMT 1
It's not special and it's not destination television. There are three key reasons:
1. thirty minutes is way too short - not enough to programme out an actual proper programme, because, in essence, a repeat takes out 15% of the show;
2. the credits are meant to get the blood pumping, instead they are horrid, with a theme that plumbs the depths of Hades;
3. the audience is cretinous.
I also deny the greatness of "Back For Good", it's the sort of thing that would be completely unremarked on in any preceding era, other than to suggest "huh, didn't know Bread were making a comeback".
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Post by o on Oct 28, 2023 19:19:18 GMT 1
The fact it took 10 minutes to write sums it up I think...
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SheriffFatman
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Post by SheriffFatman on Oct 29, 2023 0:37:18 GMT 1
The fact it took 10 minutes to write sums it up I think... I bet Sure took weeks.
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Post by SheriffFatman on Nov 6, 2023 7:57:16 GMT 1
There’s been some fantastic stuff in the last couple of episodes - Supergrass, Oasis, Weezer. I absolutely love I Wanna Go Where The People Go by The Wildhearts too, a major cut above their other stuff. Not too sure about the Shed 7 one, but it’s definitely a sign that something’s going on that it even made the top 40.
I had totally forgotten that Blessid Union Of Souls track, although I bought it at the time. It’s a really intriguing single, like Woodie Guthrie meets Boyz II Men. “He’ll see me as a person, not just a black man” is almost too blunt to work.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 7, 2023 18:43:57 GMT 1
2. the credits are meant to get the blood pumping, instead they are horrid, with a theme that plumbs the depths of Hades; It's almost as if the TOTP producer went forward in time, read this post, and went back to 20 April, thinking, well, you think THAT is a bad way to open the show? I haven't even STARTED yet.
After all, in recent weeks we have had the likes of NPG or Simple Minds (chart-toppers) or Hole (fashion darlings) introduce the show. Whom do we have this time? Juice. Oh, sorry, Deuce. DEUCE! A flavour of the month that wears out within a week. It's Europe's top music show and the first thing we see is Deuce? Dear. Sweet. God.
It can only get better with the first act, surely? No. Paton Banton and Rankin Roger are performing the Hades out of their alleged song, but this is like Michael Ball at Eurovision. You can't polish a turd.
Goodier, whom this show is making look like John Peek, introduces Corona with their one song. f*** me, I can't be arsed.
Chart rundown is with Portishead and you can see why they are not in the studio, imagine that cumulative IQ of 8 trying to cope with Portishead. Achingly cool and steeped in sixties look but eighties dark. It's so out of kilter as to what is happening elsewhere in the charts it's startling.
And as if to prove, The Real(ly sh*t) McCoy.
Bryan Adams for a flamenco-flavoured fim theme. Marlon Brando is still alive? Huh. Is that John Williams next to him? Either way, his voice is completely wrong for this. Needed Iglesias.
An exclusive from Wet Wet Wet with a song that the record label thinks is not good enough to be a single. If Hamilton Bland had married Joyce Bland, they double-barrelled their name, had a son called Bland, who moved to the town of Bland in Michigan and was caught reading the Tale of Pigling Bland, that could not be more bland than this.
Instant contrast to the epileptic lighting for Bjork. This is surely placed deliberately to make Wet Wet Wet look bad. This is what TOTP SHOULD be doing, dramatic lighting and camera angles and colours, and it FEELS LIKE AN OCCASION. Wet Wet Wet would spoil a wedding.
Deuce finally turn up, having just come from the roller disco, and they must be cursing that they're following Bjork. Even the Cretins can't whoop it up for this, it's a token effort. Even the dancing is sh*t.
Jesus, even the Fake T**t video is dull as f***. Love City Groove sepia us out.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 7, 2023 19:14:52 GMT 1
27/4 and Chris Evans has more oomph than most of the last episode in three second. Unfortunately he has to introduce MSTRB8 to start with. They can get right off my screen.
Let Loose, with something that sounds a bit like a Christmas release. It's a superior powerballad, way better than the tax cheats.
Charts are accompanied by Bobby Brown, who can MN8 off himself.
Love City Groove. Oh, come ON, this has been on FOR THE TWO PREVIOUS WEEKS. AND WAS ON EUROVISION.
Exclusive from Oasis with "Some Might Say". Evans says it's the best song around. Now, for Student Vastariner, they were basically Stone Roses ripoffs. But for The Audience Cretins, this is way way way beyond their pitiful imaginations.
And again proof positive because afterwards it's Bozone, who cannot even MIME convincingly. More proof that their contribution to their recordings was to get right out of the way while proper singers did stuff. On the plus side, they're doing their best for the Irish peace process, there is no way Sinn Fein can say a united Ireland is a good thing if THIS is the utter sewage that would result. Maybe that's why the UVF hasn't blown them up.
Teeny Arena. Think this is a repeat performance as well as a repeat song. Nexxxxt.
And it's Wildhearts, who are the Gen X of the 1990s, the tame rawk band that TOTP can have on to show how hip hop and happening the programme is.
Playout is Weezer with a video that must have taken freaking ages to work out. Should have been on the programme in full. Instead of Wifebeater perhaps.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 7, 2023 20:57:46 GMT 1
4/5, Oasis are no. 1 so that'll be a repeat from last week, Whigfield presents with the same nasal tuneless voice with which she allegedly sings, and Wildhearts start so that's another repeat.
Joshua Kadison, who obviously is not being promoted because his music is any good. Dreadful coffee schmalz.
Weller's video plays over the 40, he still hasn't done anything as good as "Beat Surrender" since "Beat Surrender".
Adina Howard, another one not being promoted because her music is any good. Even worse she has to not bother getting dressed to get anyone watching. This is barrel-scrapingly repellent.
Runrig. Heh. The Gael on the Pops. Oh, it's finished. I was expecting the a cappella bit to be an introduction. Again, have they missed the Christmas market?
Weezer, who were on briefly last week. TOTP has got this the wrong way around. The sweet geeky girl in the glasses looks like Katie Puckrick. The drummer can't wink. This is one hell of a track though.
Bjork and Skunk Anansie. Heh. I like the idea of Skunk Anansie more than I like Skunk Anansie. This is one of those remixes though that works, adds a dimension to the original without destroying it.
Whigfield introduces Jimmy Nail possibly in Danish. It's a rubbish song.
Oasis are indeed no. 1 and the playout is Perez Prado. MODERN!!!!!
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Post by Panda on Nov 7, 2023 21:34:07 GMT 1
Oasis managed to sack and hire a drummer between the "exclusive" performance of Some Might Say and the no.1 performance the following week.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 11, 2023 16:35:58 GMT 1
11/5. Celine Dion threatens an exclusive. Mayo introduces Supergrass in the guise of a cockwomble. This is no "Caught By The Fuzz" but it's a) quite good fun and b) surprisingly psychedelic. They were better when they were The Jennifers. trufact Montell Jordan. Oh God, this is awful. Man Utd v Stryker. Should be disqualified from the charts on the basis that nobody outside Manchester should be buying it. And anyone outside Manchester who IS buying it should be thrown into Strangeways if they want to be traitors. Gloryhunters = subhuman scum who should be pulped. A malignant stain on humanity who are destroying the species. Do what you do with any other cancerous growth. Remove them from the body. Scatman John. Not sure about a) this mix or b) the dancers. Otherwise it's a bit of fun that adds a smidge of variety to things. Quite nice that someone gets some chart success long after anyone could reasonably expect it. Blessed Union of Souls. Didn't they do the rugby world cup song? "I believe love is the answer." Right, try that in Palestine, you naïf cretin. This is like Marc bloody Cohn. All introduction, no song. Shed Seven. OK, we've reached the point where the music industry has discovered Oasis and decides that means you forcefeed contracts to anyone who sounds vaguley like them. This is pretty thin gruel. Love City Groove. Oh, for the love of Christ, Buddah, and Drukpa Kunley, WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY IS THIS ON YET YET YET YET YET AGAIN? ? The second best Dion to hit the charts gives us her exclusive, to the delight of literally nobody. Jesus, surely even Radio 2 would throw this away? It's basically Bozone's cover of Cat Stevens with a female voice. Livon' Joi at no. 1, not sure how or why, given that this is indistinguishable from basically every other landfill dance sh*te. And it's also been out before when nobody really gave a toss. God, the record-buyers of Britain are thick as a galaxy of sh*t compressed into a shoebox. Playout is middle-class honkys pastiching reggae which became famous because the band had a family link with a major label. God almighty, one song at the start and then the rest was almost unremitting sh*t. Terrible, terrible episode. Celine Dion exclusive, bloody hell, who the Hades thought THAT was a good idea?
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 14, 2023 18:23:34 GMT 1
18/5. Robson Green and King Charles II of Spain introduce the show because they are no. 1, apparently. Lisa I'Anson sends us to Billie Ray Martin, having a hit on her own now that the whole S Express thing seems to have vamoosed. Am guessing the costume department was having a laugh with the dancer costumes, basically school nativity wings. Surprised how ropey her voice is live.
Dion can f*** off.
Ali Campbell with some random bird. This is very different from the normal UB40 material, it's vaguely Soul II Soul meets Beloved. Has charm.
God, I'Anson is a very poor presenter, she sounds like she's forgotten what comes next. McAlmont Butler. Wow, was this THAT long ago? Well, this is the sort of exclusive that is worthwhile. Indeed this is utterly thrilling, there's bits of Bowie and Roxy and Mercury in there. Billie Ray Martin must be cursing though, this is a VOCAL.
Perez "Prez" Prado, who is incredibly lazy, as his nickname is almost his first name, it only makes it one letter shorter anyway, and he can't be bothered to make a new video.
"A man who's literally flown into the studio from LA." Literally? There's a runway in the studio? Joshua Kadison, dressed as Dorien from that sh*t programme. Fitting given this is a sh*t single.
Bad planning as well as we go from one dude behind a piano to another dude behind a piano. SPACE THESE APART YOU EDITORIAL CRETIN. It's Elton John with what a blando dando committee would do to Ian Dury's "England's Glory".
Another exclusive, and it's Pulp, again the right sort of exclusive, and a mock-up of the video in the studio, sans Sadie Frost. And...well, this is perfect, isn't it? It's everything pop music should be. Thrilling, enervating, ecstatic. For three minutes it is everything. Life itself. Of course there's little chance of it being a hit, Manchester Utd in the top ten ffs.
The no. 1 we've had the spoiler. Now, I knew someone who worked on Soldier Soldier, and she said the scene where these two sang Unchained Melody took most of the day to shoot, because they were SUCH bad singers. Naturally, though, given that it was an ITV programme, and the ITV audience typically has the worldview of a deep sea cucumber with myopia and the intelligence of slime mould, this has, staggeringly, sold a f***ing million. Jesus, there's a start for which people should be banned from ever receiving state benefits.
Bob Marley with the playout and some nice animation. Catch a fire.
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