vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 14, 2023 19:25:11 GMT 1
52/5. Bon Jovi fronting, Lee and Herring presenting, Incognito to start with their updated Shakatak. Not for me, Clive.
Nightcrawlers, which is on after going down (albeit coming back up again). It doesn't improve with age.
Montell Jordan, another repeat, and Scatman John, with a repeated performance.
Jimi Somerville, with, and I know you're going to be astounded by this, a cover version. And what's also astounding is that it's about as different from the original as Boy George's cover of Ken Boothe was different from Ken Boothe. Only the vocals are much, much, much worse. White man scamming a living off the back of a black woman's work. File under "morally repellent".
Bon Jovi with their song. Half of Fresh & Fly now, Michelle Gayle, with something deeply formulaic.
McAlmont Butler is the only good thing on this show and they were on last week. The no. 1 performance is of the double a-side which nobody wants to hear, it seems. Playout is FSOL, sounding industrial rather than ambient, and is very very very good. Why the HELL did we have to put up with 25 minutes of sh*te rather than sticking this on somewhere in the main event?
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 19, 2023 22:34:36 GMT 1
1/6. Goodier shilling a BBC Commercial product. Reef. Someone found dad's Led Zep album. It's OK for what it is, the kind of thing you wouldn't skip through on Spotify.
Curtis Stigers. I bet he would have preferred to go on before Reef, as, although they sound retro, he sounds like he should be having everything released on MFP. Hallmark Channel soundtrack.
Baby D. I know, let's take an old song and stick a dance beat underneath it, nobody has EVER done that before.
Therapy? Well, this is a bit more TOTPsy. They have a saxophonist and, this is a rarity, stage invaders, whom I take to be roadies but they look a bit half-hearted. Not that memorable a single though.
Emperor's New Clothes beaming down from Washington. Next.
Eff me, Pulp entered at no. 2. Well, obviously this should be no. 1, but for some stupid reason records bought only because they are adverts by congenital morons are not excluded from the chart. I don't recall anyone else doing their keyboards like Candida.
China Black at 16 with a song that is apparently scheduled for cancellation because we can't have nice things. This is a very Disney version of it though. Take ALL the instrumentation off and it would have worked.
Black Grape. This is a total mess, but in quite a good way. Everything thrown in and something emerging from the chaos. I'm thinking for some reason of Juan Gris' Cubism.
Michael Jackson video exclusive next week DEEP f***ing JOY and JUST to make sure we have a Jackson medley thrust on us. f***ing traitors.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 20, 2023 9:58:09 GMT 1
8/6. Robson & Jerome, fuxake. Start is Loveland, for whom this is their fourth top 40 hit, and I don't remember any of them at all. It's obvious why when the playback starts. This is dire, one-note, computer-generated generic indistinguishable grey goo. Even the bloody NAME is straight from the parts bin. Who the f*** thinks "oh yes, THIS is what I need to spend my hard-earned on" rather than the other 47,657 things that sound identical?
Dodgy. File under "bands who were brilliant when nobody heard of them but then they produce useless pap to glom to the brain-dead public. See also: Boo Radleys." Even the name is crap.
Who ever told Campbell he was funny? Bon Jovi who has been on before and we then get Jam & Spoon, who are basically Loveland for Eurodance rather than Italo house. Utterly horrible.
The Michael Jackson video exclusive turns out to be...clips of old videos. They were expecting an actual proper video but it did not turn up so the BBC threw something together last minute. I'm sorry, but this is REPELLENT. The song itself is Jacko by numbers but the BRITISH Broadcasting Corporation is giving free advertising to an American company and an American act in place of a British act on a British label on the basis of a lie. You know that they're going to show the actual video as an "exclusive" as well so there is a self-fulfilling prophecy of ****. Beyond all human morality.
Shitfield with her dance routine released for the THIRD time and four year olds are still buying it. God almighty.
Annie Lennox. A woman of imagination and talent, and what does she do? A f***ing COVER VERSION. Now, it's one thing to do a cover of a Sonics b-side, but of ONE OF THE MOST ICONIC RECORDS OF ALL TIME? DEAR SWEET GOD. Had this been, say, Undercover then the critics would quite rightly have ripped it to shreds. This is worse than a Pickwick cover version as well. Karaoke backing tape. Sorry, Annie, but this is one of the worst things anyone has ever done.
U2 with a Batman track. By a very, very, very, very, very long way, this is the best thing on the show thus far. And doesn't THAT prove what a dreadful, awful, repellent show this has been?
Jaws and Pipsqueak are still no. 1 and the playout is the Bluetones, who should have been in the Jackson spot.
That was pretty close to being not just the Worst Episode Ever, but the Worst POSSIBLE Episode Ever. They could have had Dre but instead they had Loveland. Loveland. Christ almighty. Loveland. Which incidentally will drop 14 places, which must be a record drop for a song that's been seen by 8m viewers who basically all hate it. Even The Exploited didn't go down that far.
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SheriffFatman
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Post by SheriffFatman on Nov 21, 2023 0:02:56 GMT 1
1/6. Goodier shilling a BBC Commercial product. Reef. Someone found dad's Led Zep album. It's OK for what it is, the kind of thing you wouldn't skip through on Spotify. A subtle and rather brilliant reference to last week’s mids thread, methinks 🙂 Personslly I’m on Apple Music not Spotify. Somewhat obsessed with it I suppose, but I’ve never yet listened to a curated playlist. I am sure I’m very much in the minority there though. Totally with you on Loveland. It must be a bit worrying for the show when a track plummets the week after it’s on too, surely that means no one’s paying attention?
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TheThorne
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Post by TheThorne on Nov 21, 2023 8:33:53 GMT 1
The problem is how the record companies/stores are selling them, you could get Loveland, Jam & Spoon, Dodgy, Reef etc for 99p on CD in many shops, £1.99 in HMV and Virgin. Then when they go top 40, they went up to £3.99. Mo wonder the sales dropped.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 21, 2023 9:57:41 GMT 1
And that was because of an insane chart rule which had the effect of encouraging this deep disounting for first week CDs. With the inevitable result that the majors gamed the system for the latest flavour of the month to guarantee a high entry and then a drop - which ensured that their singles were entirely forgotten as they were gone within a month. No momentum at all.
It's crazy how much they wrecked the chart in this era. One format, one price, should have been the mantra. If labels wanted to exploit the pre-teens those extras should not have counted for the chart.
And it created a vicious circle of garbage in, garbage out, and the destruction of the raison d'être of TOTP. Amazed the BBC didn't demand a change.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 29, 2023 15:55:04 GMT 1
15/6. We start with a spaceship and Michelle Gayle's midriff. Wet Wet Wet, with something that sounds as if Kenny Rogers would have shaved off his beard to record. Hal Blaine drumbeat but there's not much here. Like the sort of song someone writes for a storyline in a soap opera for a band formed by the characters.
Outhere Brothers. Genuinely want to know who is buying this. So I can have them deported to an early grave. It's just horrid. Same thing over and over and over again. Surely you have to have been LITERALLY lobotomized to like this?
U2, repeat.
Bitty McLean. I wonder what original composition he has come up with? Oh, surprise surprise, it's a cover. Of The Carpenters, who were dogshite to start with, music for people who think they like music but who actually have never heard anything other than The Carpenters. f*** me, this is Outhere Brothers territory.
Edwyn Collins. Now this is an unexpected kick-up. The bloke from Orange Juice with a hit out of nowhere. What's the equivalent today? Lead singer of a band that was big in 2011 having a first hit for a while? *looks at the chart that week in 2011* Calvin Harris, Jason Derulo, Shitbull, Ed Sheeran, Katy Perry...IT'S THE f***ing SAME. God alMIGHTY, this is the WORST century for culture in recorded history, surely?
Hottie from Eternal completely totally and utterly surprises Gayle with a sales award before we get Paula Abdul, who presumably was expecting a much bigger hit with her Pointer Sisters meets Ofra Haza thing. That this is the second best thing on the show so far is an indictment of the show.
Bad news for East 17: Mortimer's talent has run out. This is a three monkey ten minute job.
The no. 1 can f*** off. And so can Chemical Brothers, Bluetones, Skunk Ananise, and other British acts who could have done with the airplay of being on TOTP, because instead the British Broadcasting Corporation has cleared the end of the programme to show Michael Jackson YET AGAIN because they've got an exclusive for a video which is allegedly the most expensive ever made but is, basically, lipsyncing while on a PS2. Classic example of when you have no imagination at all but in order to persuade the thickos to buy something keep throwing more and more and more money at it with vapid cliché. Sums up his career.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Dec 1, 2023 21:13:41 GMT 1
22/6. Mayo dressed as a comedy schoolboy for some reason. Haddaway & sh*te are on, presumably solely to annoy me. Well, I can FF, so eff you BBC.
Mike Plus The Mechanics. Paul Young (not that one) seems to have discovered 1978 hair-wise. Not my cup o' char, but I can understand why it's on.
The charts are backed by Baby D, with a video presumably done at the same time as their last hit as it's identical. This is actually way more interesting as a song, a sort of proto-drum and bass cover, wish it had been a slightly better source material as this comes close to Portishead going commercial.
D:Ream looking happy to be back, not bad, but again a very retro sound, more early eighties than mid-nineties.
M People, with a song that has been so overplayed it's impossible to give it a fair report. Best I can say is I didn't like it at the time for being Disney.
Amy Grant complaining about too much parking. Evidently never been to Birmingham. I take the heretical view on Joni Mitchell - I've NEVER got her - and doing a cover version of a song with the same lyric about 47 times is ludicrous.
Bon Jovi, and I've forgotten it already.
Bob gets a) a credit and b) more to do as he and Vic tag team with EMF for another cover. Although the Meff seem something of an afterthought, they're not as involved as the Stuffies were. It's fun enough but...what's the point?
With the ****s at no. 1, that means that we've had half the show as being covers. Menswe@r, a classic of who you know, show that Britpop is already jumping the shark on the playout.
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Post by o on Dec 2, 2023 0:08:54 GMT 1
PJ Harvey being excellent on her debut, quite enjoyed Menswear, very much had a Sleeper vibe about the whole thing, and had forgotten about that Duran Duran cover!
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Dec 3, 2023 12:40:49 GMT 1
29/6. Have The Ramones ever been live on TOTP before? Goodier has obviously been filming a Werther's Original advert. Now, what's worse than a stupid unimaginative boring shitstain needless cover version? When the stupid unimaginative boring shitstain needless cover version is of a song that was released 4 years ago. Everyone who bought this needs to be dismantled slowly and painfully. Those who produced this should be put in the Hague for ecocide. Everyone involved with this atrocity is subhuman scum. And the producer should have said to Wankstain Records that playing this on the BBC is a sackable offence because there is a public duty not to perpetuate some filth.
Jeremy Kwee with the same rubbish he always puts out.
Duran Duran with a cover version of "White Lines". Is this the first time this song has ever been on TOTP? Not entirely sure about this. It's brave at least. But the Durannies should be beyond this, it comes across as trying too hard to be relevant.
Exclusive from All 4 One. Oh GOD. This makes Guys & Dolls sound like Cannibal Corpse. WHY IS THIS A f***ing EXCLUSIVE? ARE THERE NOT BRITISH ACTS DOING INTERESTING THINGS? CHRIST ON A BIKE. This is positively EVIL. Oh, and, guess what, it's a cover.
Edwyn Collins, the best thing on the show so far AND IT IS A REPEAT PERFORMANCE.
Menswe@r. THEY WERE ON LAST WEEK.
Outhere Brothers. Basically what I said about Clock. One bomb and immunity from prosecution, that is all for which I ask.
Ramones. Aaaaaaand...it's a cover. f***ing HELL. The Ramones only have one song, albeit it's a quite good one...so what ought to be an iconic moment is a COVER? And...we have THE MOST AWKWARD SEGUE INTO A SECOND RAMONES SONG IN THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING. Christ, who thought THAT was a good idea? Anyhoo, at least this one is a bit more oomphy.
The Kunt Gang still no. 1. Foo Fighters on the playout with a live clip which knocks seven shades out of everything else.
God, that was grim.
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Post by o on Dec 3, 2023 12:59:19 GMT 1
Cant wait for Vas to catch up and have Outhere Brothers taking over from Robson & Jerome at #1, tin hats and swear filter set to 1000!
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Dec 3, 2023 13:07:18 GMT 1
7/7. Outhere Brothers introduce the show as number 1. Oh dear sweet God, we've gone from the animals to the vegetables. Wendy "who?" Lloyd introduces Diana King who has a vague resemblance to Pob. Bit of ragga, nothing outstanding. It's no Sophia George.
Shaggy and Rayvon with a cover. Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiist. I wish for deafness.
Wifebeater on the video with a re-issue. No, there is absolutely no reason for this whatsoever.
Vic & Bob with a cover, basically what I said before.
Jesus H Christ, Michael Jackson AGAIN? With ANOTHER exclusive? No, no, no, no, NO, NO. This is wetter than wet paper at the bottom of the Marianas Trench being used by a wet squid as a wet wipe on its wet mouth. This man is meant to be a genius? Only to morons.
D:Ream. Another repeat. I'm almost wishing for the next song to be total dogshit because this is definitely heading towards WORST EPISODE EVER territory. Basically NOTHING on so far should have been put on.
Amy Grant who can't be arsed to turn up to fake her cover. Yep, another useless and pointless choice.
tw*t and Twatter at no. 1. Playout is Heavy Stereo. THIS IS LITERALLY THE ONLY THING WORTH LISTENING TO AND IT'S ON THE f***ing PLAYOUT.
That could well be the worst episode ever. It's not just the lack of any scintilla of quality in anything before the credits. It was appallingly planned. THREE repeats, THREE covers, ONE re-issue, an exclusive from someone who has not been off the show in about twelve f***ing years, started off with three dance acts thus putting the majority of the audience off.
I would have lined it up as follows:
Ugly Kid Joe (exploding start) Diana King Van Halen (bit rocky) Dubstar (different type of dance) Ned's Atomic Dustbin (indie) Jaki Graham (soul) Swervedriver (shoegaze) Del Amitri (for the Scots)
Incidentally, I note, as a spoiler alert, the All 4 One exclusive barely makes the top 40, and the Jackson one IS A B-SIDE. Whoever chose those for the show is also subhuman scum.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Dec 10, 2023 13:34:46 GMT 1
13/7. Well-known pop expert Dale Winton introduces the show. Jinny, who is extremely obviously miming. So she can be filed under "Talentless Whore".
Because we have started with dance, Idiot Producer continues with dance. MN8 at the numerically determinative 8. Oh God, this is dreadful.
A film advert from Seal over the charts. This is nowhere near his best. Can't work out how this one became such a gigantic success. Probably middle-aged housewives thinking "ooh, it's soooo in touch with emotions".
Cast, who are to Oasis what Oasis are to the Stone Roses. Hey, guys, there's a bandwagon over there, why not jump on it? Music for people who think they are alternative.
Because we haven't had enough r&b alread, we get Brownstone, which I think is a repeat, but given so much of this guff sounds identical it's difficult to tell.
Video exclusive from Hole. Given Courtney Love's entire career is based on a throwaway Cobain comment, it's quite astounding, and worrying, that this is very obviously the best thing on the show by a distance which is normally measured in megaparsecs. Of course Daisy Chainsaw did all of this much better and with much more tang of authenticism but this is like finding a fresh iced mochachoccacino in the Empty Quarter.
Edwyn Collins, a repeat. And Supergrass, who seem to have entered their "Shiny Happy People" phase. Not very good.
Seriously, would there be any logical or rational objection to reviving the death penalty for people who buy the Outhere Brothers? Having that DNA propagated down the generations is harmful.
I think the main highlight on the show is the cute girl with dimples standing next to Winton at the end, and the playout is even more r&b from Soul II Soul (and which is better than the stuff on the main show). We're not quite in Hades yet, but this is not dissimilar.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Dec 10, 2023 13:58:50 GMT 1
20/7. Fake T**t with an exclusive, oh God. Gayle Tuesday pops out of the Whatever Happened To? file and we start, because WE HAVE NOT HAD ENOUGH f***ing DANCE sh*te IN THE LAST YEAR, with Corona.
Dana Dawson, BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT HAD ENOUGH R&B OVER THE LAST SIX MONTHS. And this song is utter gash. Nice pins though. We can see the selling point of the very estimable Ms Dawson.
Paul Weller. Kick out the style, bring back the jam. Running through cornfields, perhaps chasing Theresa May. Oh Jesus, he's gone all middle-aged.
Soul II Soul, Shaggy, both repeats. Also both dance/r&b. I repeat the comment above.
Um, how come U2 are on when they peaked a month ago?
Diana King, again dance, again a repeat.
Exclusive for the middle-aged housewives, the utter cynicality demonstrated by having a boys' choir at the start. God almighty, this is beyond atrocious. White f***ing suits. The refugee from Back To The Planet vaguely emoting through incomprehensible lyrics with an air of "nobody actually cares what this song is about or what it sounds like, there are merely a load of brain-dead teenagers who want to rip the last threads of this outfit from me".
The number 1 is somehow worse and the playout is, um, dunno beause Tuesday garbled through it at massive volume and at 100mph. Sounds like "Cantaloop" but it's more dance.
That...could be the Worst Show Ever.
Not merely because the musical selection was utterly atrocious. It's also that, yet again, the producer's idea of running a show was abysmal. Far too many repeats.
And now the elephant in the room. Racism. I make it that there were 10 acts on the show. 7 were black. That is basically a gigantic over-representation of the population, and an over-representation based on eligible songs. And 2 of the white acts date back to the 1970s so there is definitely a deliberate policy of excluding young white acts. Deliberate? Yes, there was no reason for not including Gene, for instance. Or Lightning Seeds (OK, not so young) or PJ Harvey. And someone properly planning out the programme to attract the biggest possible audience by widening the genre pool would have included Black Crowes and Belly.
But instead...repeats of Shaggy's cover version and Soul II Soul from last week. As well as a COMPLETELY needless repeat of U2. And there is no need for an exclusive for an act which RCA is going to pay yet more millions to plaster over every possible medium incessantly over the next month.
You know...
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SheriffFatman
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Post by SheriffFatman on Dec 11, 2023 17:47:53 GMT 1
Jinny, who is extremely obviously miming. So she can be filed under "Talentless Whore".
You know I've been a big fan of your rantings for a while, but I feel like the quality of your insults may have dried up a little. I'm not here to defend Jinny or anything, no idea who she is in fact, but this made me wince. Apologies if that makes me a bleeding heart liberal lefty snowflake. I like Alright by Supergrass too, it's not earth shatteringly original or anything but it's good fun. I totally get what you're saying about Cast, but it was surely a good sign that the demand for guitar based indie music was so high that these guys are having hits by basically just cobbling together anything.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Dec 11, 2023 20:20:53 GMT 1
The selling point in the Jinny track is not the music or the singing, but that the person fronting it is an attractive woman wearing a bikini top. It's no wonder she cannot keep warm.
But the woman fronting it is Carryl Varley, and not the singer of the song, which is why she is having to mime, and also why I would not have had it on the show. She's basically sold her body and soul for fakery. I think the epithet applied is appropriate.
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Post by lordmelbury on Dec 11, 2023 22:05:22 GMT 1
Oh yes, she screeched so much it was unbearable. The play out was "Take 5 in the Jungle" by Tecknicolour. It didn't even go top 100 and cannot find it on Zobbel's website that shows the top 200 entries.
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SheriffFatman
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Post by SheriffFatman on Dec 14, 2023 1:43:08 GMT 1
The selling point in the Jinny track is not the music or the singing, but that the person fronting it is an attractive woman wearing a bikini top. It's no wonder she cannot keep warm. But the woman fronting it is Carryl Varley, and not the singer of the song, which is why she is having to mime, and also why I would not have had it on the show. She's basically sold her body and soul for fakery. I think the epithet applied is appropriate. That’s a good argument, I think I agree. I’m glad I asked though, I’m not the thought police or anything but “talentless whore” feels like something that shouldn’t be thrown around at random.
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Post by o on Dec 14, 2023 18:04:49 GMT 1
Yes it made me wince as well, not quite sure how that argument makes her a whore...
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Dec 14, 2023 21:30:43 GMT 1
Selling her body for money.
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