vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 26, 2023 23:32:44 GMT 1
01 Bamboo - Bamboogie 00 Backstreet Boys - All I Have To Give 06 Natalie Imbruglia - Big Mistake 03 Busta Rhymes - Turn It Up / Fire It Up 07 Madonna - Ray Of Light 00 Mousse T vs Hot 'N' Juicy - Horny 00 Brandy & Monica - The Boy Is Mine 09 Fat Les - Vindaloo 05 Pras Michel featuring ODB introducing Mya - Ghetto Superstar That Is What You Are 00 Will Smith - Just The Two Of Us 00 Puff Daddy featuring Jimmy Page - Come With Me 00 Sash featuring Tina Cousins - Mysterious Times 01 Stardust - Music Sounds Better With You 00 Steps - One For Sorrow 00 Five - Everybody Get Up 00 T-Spoon - Sex On The Beach 04 Beautiful South - Perfect 10 00 Brandy featuring Mase - Top Of The World 00 911 - More Than A Woman 02 George Michael - Outside 02 E-17 - Each Time 00 Five - Until The Time Is Through 00 Boyzone - I Love The Way You Love Me 06 Jay-Z - Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)
God almighty. Some of those were unlistenable.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 22, 2023 22:40:40 GMT 1
The Lightning Explodes!
Ian Broudie and Paul Simpson with a top 50 from 1983. Sounds well ahead of its time.
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 21, 2023 9:57:41 GMT 1
And that was because of an insane chart rule which had the effect of encouraging this deep disounting for first week CDs. With the inevitable result that the majors gamed the system for the latest flavour of the month to guarantee a high entry and then a drop - which ensured that their singles were entirely forgotten as they were gone within a month. No momentum at all.
It's crazy how much they wrecked the chart in this era. One format, one price, should have been the mantra. If labels wanted to exploit the pre-teens those extras should not have counted for the chart.
And it created a vicious circle of garbage in, garbage out, and the destruction of the raison d'être of TOTP. Amazed the BBC didn't demand a change.
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 21, 2023 1:09:27 GMT 1
...which is basically all of them
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 20, 2023 9:58:09 GMT 1
8/6. Robson & Jerome, fuxake. Start is Loveland, for whom this is their fourth top 40 hit, and I don't remember any of them at all. It's obvious why when the playback starts. This is dire, one-note, computer-generated generic indistinguishable grey goo. Even the bloody NAME is straight from the parts bin. Who the f*** thinks "oh yes, THIS is what I need to spend my hard-earned on" rather than the other 47,657 things that sound identical?
Dodgy. File under "bands who were brilliant when nobody heard of them but then they produce useless pap to glom to the brain-dead public. See also: Boo Radleys." Even the name is crap.
Who ever told Campbell he was funny? Bon Jovi who has been on before and we then get Jam & Spoon, who are basically Loveland for Eurodance rather than Italo house. Utterly horrible.
The Michael Jackson video exclusive turns out to be...clips of old videos. They were expecting an actual proper video but it did not turn up so the BBC threw something together last minute. I'm sorry, but this is REPELLENT. The song itself is Jacko by numbers but the BRITISH Broadcasting Corporation is giving free advertising to an American company and an American act in place of a British act on a British label on the basis of a lie. You know that they're going to show the actual video as an "exclusive" as well so there is a self-fulfilling prophecy of ****. Beyond all human morality.
Shitfield with her dance routine released for the THIRD time and four year olds are still buying it. God almighty.
Annie Lennox. A woman of imagination and talent, and what does she do? A f***ing COVER VERSION. Now, it's one thing to do a cover of a Sonics b-side, but of ONE OF THE MOST ICONIC RECORDS OF ALL TIME? DEAR SWEET GOD. Had this been, say, Undercover then the critics would quite rightly have ripped it to shreds. This is worse than a Pickwick cover version as well. Karaoke backing tape. Sorry, Annie, but this is one of the worst things anyone has ever done.
U2 with a Batman track. By a very, very, very, very, very long way, this is the best thing on the show thus far. And doesn't THAT prove what a dreadful, awful, repellent show this has been?
Jaws and Pipsqueak are still no. 1 and the playout is the Bluetones, who should have been in the Jackson spot.
That was pretty close to being not just the Worst Episode Ever, but the Worst POSSIBLE Episode Ever. They could have had Dre but instead they had Loveland. Loveland. Christ almighty. Loveland. Which incidentally will drop 14 places, which must be a record drop for a song that's been seen by 8m viewers who basically all hate it. Even The Exploited didn't go down that far.
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 19, 2023 22:34:36 GMT 1
1/6. Goodier shilling a BBC Commercial product. Reef. Someone found dad's Led Zep album. It's OK for what it is, the kind of thing you wouldn't skip through on Spotify.
Curtis Stigers. I bet he would have preferred to go on before Reef, as, although they sound retro, he sounds like he should be having everything released on MFP. Hallmark Channel soundtrack.
Baby D. I know, let's take an old song and stick a dance beat underneath it, nobody has EVER done that before.
Therapy? Well, this is a bit more TOTPsy. They have a saxophonist and, this is a rarity, stage invaders, whom I take to be roadies but they look a bit half-hearted. Not that memorable a single though.
Emperor's New Clothes beaming down from Washington. Next.
Eff me, Pulp entered at no. 2. Well, obviously this should be no. 1, but for some stupid reason records bought only because they are adverts by congenital morons are not excluded from the chart. I don't recall anyone else doing their keyboards like Candida.
China Black at 16 with a song that is apparently scheduled for cancellation because we can't have nice things. This is a very Disney version of it though. Take ALL the instrumentation off and it would have worked.
Black Grape. This is a total mess, but in quite a good way. Everything thrown in and something emerging from the chaos. I'm thinking for some reason of Juan Gris' Cubism.
Michael Jackson video exclusive next week DEEP f***ing JOY and JUST to make sure we have a Jackson medley thrust on us. f***ing traitors.
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 14, 2023 19:25:11 GMT 1
52/5. Bon Jovi fronting, Lee and Herring presenting, Incognito to start with their updated Shakatak. Not for me, Clive.
Nightcrawlers, which is on after going down (albeit coming back up again). It doesn't improve with age.
Montell Jordan, another repeat, and Scatman John, with a repeated performance.
Jimi Somerville, with, and I know you're going to be astounded by this, a cover version. And what's also astounding is that it's about as different from the original as Boy George's cover of Ken Boothe was different from Ken Boothe. Only the vocals are much, much, much worse. White man scamming a living off the back of a black woman's work. File under "morally repellent".
Bon Jovi with their song. Half of Fresh & Fly now, Michelle Gayle, with something deeply formulaic.
McAlmont Butler is the only good thing on this show and they were on last week. The no. 1 performance is of the double a-side which nobody wants to hear, it seems. Playout is FSOL, sounding industrial rather than ambient, and is very very very good. Why the HELL did we have to put up with 25 minutes of sh*te rather than sticking this on somewhere in the main event?
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 14, 2023 18:23:34 GMT 1
18/5. Robson Green and King Charles II of Spain introduce the show because they are no. 1, apparently. Lisa I'Anson sends us to Billie Ray Martin, having a hit on her own now that the whole S Express thing seems to have vamoosed. Am guessing the costume department was having a laugh with the dancer costumes, basically school nativity wings. Surprised how ropey her voice is live.
Dion can f*** off.
Ali Campbell with some random bird. This is very different from the normal UB40 material, it's vaguely Soul II Soul meets Beloved. Has charm.
God, I'Anson is a very poor presenter, she sounds like she's forgotten what comes next. McAlmont Butler. Wow, was this THAT long ago? Well, this is the sort of exclusive that is worthwhile. Indeed this is utterly thrilling, there's bits of Bowie and Roxy and Mercury in there. Billie Ray Martin must be cursing though, this is a VOCAL.
Perez "Prez" Prado, who is incredibly lazy, as his nickname is almost his first name, it only makes it one letter shorter anyway, and he can't be bothered to make a new video.
"A man who's literally flown into the studio from LA." Literally? There's a runway in the studio? Joshua Kadison, dressed as Dorien from that sh*t programme. Fitting given this is a sh*t single.
Bad planning as well as we go from one dude behind a piano to another dude behind a piano. SPACE THESE APART YOU EDITORIAL CRETIN. It's Elton John with what a blando dando committee would do to Ian Dury's "England's Glory".
Another exclusive, and it's Pulp, again the right sort of exclusive, and a mock-up of the video in the studio, sans Sadie Frost. And...well, this is perfect, isn't it? It's everything pop music should be. Thrilling, enervating, ecstatic. For three minutes it is everything. Life itself. Of course there's little chance of it being a hit, Manchester Utd in the top ten ffs.
The no. 1 we've had the spoiler. Now, I knew someone who worked on Soldier Soldier, and she said the scene where these two sang Unchained Melody took most of the day to shoot, because they were SUCH bad singers. Naturally, though, given that it was an ITV programme, and the ITV audience typically has the worldview of a deep sea cucumber with myopia and the intelligence of slime mould, this has, staggeringly, sold a f***ing million. Jesus, there's a start for which people should be banned from ever receiving state benefits.
Bob Marley with the playout and some nice animation. Catch a fire.
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 14, 2023 17:05:32 GMT 1
I reckon the release of "Joan Of Arc" cost OMD a number 1. It was not scheduled as a single (hence there not being a video), the second cut was going to be "Maid Of Orleans"; but Dindisc took advantage of OMD being hot and shoved it out there.
The problem for MoO being that JoA had got people buying the album in droves so there was less need to buy a 45 of MoO. Had MoO been the second release just after Christmas, no. 1 would have been almost guaranteed.
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 14, 2023 15:01:51 GMT 1
La belle Clodagh is surely more famous for a Eurovision song that also provided the centrepiece of one of Monty Python's more surreal streams of consciousness episodes. But this was her biggest hit - and would have been no. 1 but for the Beatles, kept off by "Get Back" and Mary Hopkin's Apple follow-up.
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 11, 2023 16:35:58 GMT 1
11/5. Celine Dion threatens an exclusive. Mayo introduces Supergrass in the guise of a cockwomble. This is no "Caught By The Fuzz" but it's a) quite good fun and b) surprisingly psychedelic. They were better when they were The Jennifers. trufact Montell Jordan. Oh God, this is awful. Man Utd v Stryker. Should be disqualified from the charts on the basis that nobody outside Manchester should be buying it. And anyone outside Manchester who IS buying it should be thrown into Strangeways if they want to be traitors. Gloryhunters = subhuman scum who should be pulped. A malignant stain on humanity who are destroying the species. Do what you do with any other cancerous growth. Remove them from the body. Scatman John. Not sure about a) this mix or b) the dancers. Otherwise it's a bit of fun that adds a smidge of variety to things. Quite nice that someone gets some chart success long after anyone could reasonably expect it. Blessed Union of Souls. Didn't they do the rugby world cup song? "I believe love is the answer." Right, try that in Palestine, you naïf cretin. This is like Marc bloody Cohn. All introduction, no song. Shed Seven. OK, we've reached the point where the music industry has discovered Oasis and decides that means you forcefeed contracts to anyone who sounds vaguley like them. This is pretty thin gruel. Love City Groove. Oh, for the love of Christ, Buddah, and Drukpa Kunley, WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY IS THIS ON YET YET YET YET YET AGAIN? ? The second best Dion to hit the charts gives us her exclusive, to the delight of literally nobody. Jesus, surely even Radio 2 would throw this away? It's basically Bozone's cover of Cat Stevens with a female voice. Livon' Joi at no. 1, not sure how or why, given that this is indistinguishable from basically every other landfill dance sh*te. And it's also been out before when nobody really gave a toss. God, the record-buyers of Britain are thick as a galaxy of sh*t compressed into a shoebox. Playout is middle-class honkys pastiching reggae which became famous because the band had a family link with a major label. God almighty, one song at the start and then the rest was almost unremitting sh*t. Terrible, terrible episode. Celine Dion exclusive, bloody hell, who the Hades thought THAT was a good idea?
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 10, 2023 21:29:22 GMT 1
05 Blondie - Rapture 07 Coast To Coast - (Do) The Hucklebuck 04 Headgirl - Please Don't Touch 10 Landscape - Einstein A Go-Go 04 Champaign - How 'Bout Us 06 Tottenham Hotspur FA Cup Final Squad - Ossie's Dream (Spurs Are On Their Way To Wembley) 08 Duran Duran - Girls On Film 10 Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark - Joan Of Arc
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 7, 2023 20:57:46 GMT 1
4/5, Oasis are no. 1 so that'll be a repeat from last week, Whigfield presents with the same nasal tuneless voice with which she allegedly sings, and Wildhearts start so that's another repeat.
Joshua Kadison, who obviously is not being promoted because his music is any good. Dreadful coffee schmalz.
Weller's video plays over the 40, he still hasn't done anything as good as "Beat Surrender" since "Beat Surrender".
Adina Howard, another one not being promoted because her music is any good. Even worse she has to not bother getting dressed to get anyone watching. This is barrel-scrapingly repellent.
Runrig. Heh. The Gael on the Pops. Oh, it's finished. I was expecting the a cappella bit to be an introduction. Again, have they missed the Christmas market?
Weezer, who were on briefly last week. TOTP has got this the wrong way around. The sweet geeky girl in the glasses looks like Katie Puckrick. The drummer can't wink. This is one hell of a track though.
Bjork and Skunk Anansie. Heh. I like the idea of Skunk Anansie more than I like Skunk Anansie. This is one of those remixes though that works, adds a dimension to the original without destroying it.
Whigfield introduces Jimmy Nail possibly in Danish. It's a rubbish song.
Oasis are indeed no. 1 and the playout is Perez Prado. MODERN!!!!!
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 7, 2023 19:14:52 GMT 1
27/4 and Chris Evans has more oomph than most of the last episode in three second. Unfortunately he has to introduce MSTRB8 to start with. They can get right off my screen.
Let Loose, with something that sounds a bit like a Christmas release. It's a superior powerballad, way better than the tax cheats.
Charts are accompanied by Bobby Brown, who can MN8 off himself.
Love City Groove. Oh, come ON, this has been on FOR THE TWO PREVIOUS WEEKS. AND WAS ON EUROVISION.
Exclusive from Oasis with "Some Might Say". Evans says it's the best song around. Now, for Student Vastariner, they were basically Stone Roses ripoffs. But for The Audience Cretins, this is way way way beyond their pitiful imaginations.
And again proof positive because afterwards it's Bozone, who cannot even MIME convincingly. More proof that their contribution to their recordings was to get right out of the way while proper singers did stuff. On the plus side, they're doing their best for the Irish peace process, there is no way Sinn Fein can say a united Ireland is a good thing if THIS is the utter sewage that would result. Maybe that's why the UVF hasn't blown them up.
Teeny Arena. Think this is a repeat performance as well as a repeat song. Nexxxxt.
And it's Wildhearts, who are the Gen X of the 1990s, the tame rawk band that TOTP can have on to show how hip hop and happening the programme is.
Playout is Weezer with a video that must have taken freaking ages to work out. Should have been on the programme in full. Instead of Wifebeater perhaps.
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Post by vastar iner on Nov 7, 2023 18:43:57 GMT 1
2. the credits are meant to get the blood pumping, instead they are horrid, with a theme that plumbs the depths of Hades; It's almost as if the TOTP producer went forward in time, read this post, and went back to 20 April, thinking, well, you think THAT is a bad way to open the show? I haven't even STARTED yet.
After all, in recent weeks we have had the likes of NPG or Simple Minds (chart-toppers) or Hole (fashion darlings) introduce the show. Whom do we have this time? Juice. Oh, sorry, Deuce. DEUCE! A flavour of the month that wears out within a week. It's Europe's top music show and the first thing we see is Deuce? Dear. Sweet. God.
It can only get better with the first act, surely? No. Paton Banton and Rankin Roger are performing the Hades out of their alleged song, but this is like Michael Ball at Eurovision. You can't polish a turd.
Goodier, whom this show is making look like John Peek, introduces Corona with their one song. f*** me, I can't be arsed.
Chart rundown is with Portishead and you can see why they are not in the studio, imagine that cumulative IQ of 8 trying to cope with Portishead. Achingly cool and steeped in sixties look but eighties dark. It's so out of kilter as to what is happening elsewhere in the charts it's startling.
And as if to prove, The Real(ly sh*t) McCoy.
Bryan Adams for a flamenco-flavoured fim theme. Marlon Brando is still alive? Huh. Is that John Williams next to him? Either way, his voice is completely wrong for this. Needed Iglesias.
An exclusive from Wet Wet Wet with a song that the record label thinks is not good enough to be a single. If Hamilton Bland had married Joyce Bland, they double-barrelled their name, had a son called Bland, who moved to the town of Bland in Michigan and was caught reading the Tale of Pigling Bland, that could not be more bland than this.
Instant contrast to the epileptic lighting for Bjork. This is surely placed deliberately to make Wet Wet Wet look bad. This is what TOTP SHOULD be doing, dramatic lighting and camera angles and colours, and it FEELS LIKE AN OCCASION. Wet Wet Wet would spoil a wedding.
Deuce finally turn up, having just come from the roller disco, and they must be cursing that they're following Bjork. Even the Cretins can't whoop it up for this, it's a token effort. Even the dancing is sh*t.
Jesus, even the Fake T**t video is dull as f***. Love City Groove sepia us out.
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vastar iner
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Post by vastar iner on Oct 31, 2023 16:25:03 GMT 1
Gary & Gary were Gary Klyvert, from the Bronx, and Gary Klyvert, from the Bronx.
A heck of a coincidence? Not quite, it's one singer double-tracking his voice and pretending to be a duo.
It's actually not bad. 1962 and quite Walker Brothers-ish.
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Post by vastar iner on Oct 28, 2023 16:43:29 GMT 1
It's not special and it's not destination television. There are three key reasons:
1. thirty minutes is way too short - not enough to programme out an actual proper programme, because, in essence, a repeat takes out 15% of the show;
2. the credits are meant to get the blood pumping, instead they are horrid, with a theme that plumbs the depths of Hades;
3. the audience is cretinous.
I also deny the greatness of "Back For Good", it's the sort of thing that would be completely unremarked on in any preceding era, other than to suggest "huh, didn't know Bread were making a comeback".
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Post by vastar iner on Oct 26, 2023 22:26:08 GMT 1
13/4. Phill Jupitus has been a thing for that long? Intro with Teeny Tina Arena. Love City Groove to start, this does not sound like a Eurovision song, quite mellow and summery, really been released too early. Soul II Soul Lite. Not bad at all though.
Tina Arena. We should get married, she wouldn't need to change her surname much. Also she's as cute as a speckled pup. Shame the song is cack. Celine Dion without a chorus. It's as if it's been written to show she can sing rather than show the writers can write.
REM with a single I sort of remember but had no idea what the title was. It's good though, more "Everybody Hurts" than SHP. Vague country rock overtones.
Snap. I think they've killed the backing vocalist.
Hole and Springsteen we've seen before as well. COME ON, IT'S A MOVING CHART. THREE REPEATS?
Mind you, when we next get Strike, I think I'd prefer the testcard.
Exclusive from Sinead O'Connor and Shane McGowan. Who would have thought he'd outlive her? "I blame the parents", heh. Would be better without Shane, let's be honest. At least give him a different vocal line because he cannot match with Sinead. Still, it's a decent song, even though it looks a bit like first rehearsal of the school nativity.
No. 1 is repellent, Mud on the playout. Mud is one of the worst band names ever. Given they were glam rockabilly surely something from their lyrics like Rocketblast would have been more apposite?
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Post by vastar iner on Oct 26, 2023 10:38:59 GMT 1
I'm more bothered about the films - hoping for some of the mega-classics I've not seen, although am running out of those thanks to the vasTivo.
Wondering what Nigella will cook up in Amsterdam. Hash brownies?
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Post by vastar iner on Oct 24, 2023 20:00:28 GMT 1
Bryan Adams at the start to put anyone off from watching. Brookes wearing a fancy dress vicar costume because the opening act is Grace. About sixth time lucky for this. It's not a bad one, though, it's a cut above much of the landfill rave. What IS obvious though is that none of these groups have any idea how to do a decent performance, it's all PSBs and one frontloaded singer.
Brookes threatens us with Terence "Trout" D'arby, Adams, and, oh God, Fake T**t. And now it's Ultimate Kaos who seem to have got even younger. Either that or the lead singer is a midget. Audience is screaming at them, suggesting the Beeb has bussed in a load of paedos. There is not one single redeeming factor in this. It's Minipops-lite.
Bucketheads. They were down last week and a non-mover this. THERE IS NO REASON FOR THIS TO BE ON. IT PEAKED WEEKS AGO. WHY NOT HAVE TEENAGE FANCLUB?
TTD is looking like Yazz and sounding like Rod Stewart fronting up muzak. This is way beneath him.
Corona. Three monkeys, ten minutes.
Simple Minds, been on before.
Pato Banton, this sounds like it's been on before. Ranking Roger back on the Pops though. Well, it's a different genre. But the kindest thing I can say about it is that it's crap.
Bryan Adams is now doing Spanish guitar. Horrific.
T**t are no. 1 with something horrible and the playout is Kurt doing his p*sstake from a few years back.
That is close to being the Worst Episode Ever. Dreadful choices. One half-good song and that was the first one.
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